Lemon Party
Friday, July 22, 2005
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Nudeist Colony 32
This week's Nudeist Colony is dedicated to the penis. It's time once again to take a closer look at you, our doting audience. Specifically we'll be looking at how you came to be reading this very page. As usual, all referrer logs are of English-speaking Americans using Windows and Internet Explorer, unless otherwise specified.
Sat May 21 02:47:27 2005
Arabic (Saudi Arabia)
bzq-218-240-177.red.bezeqint.net
81.218.240.177
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_10_17_lemonparty_archive.html http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=nudeist&fr=FP-tab-web-t&toggle=1&ei=UTF-8
Nudeist, eh? In Nudeist Colony 31 I explained the origin of nudeists. Unfortunately it turns out that, through a translation error, the subject discussed was actually something called "pogs." My apologies.
A nudeist is actually a giant space station with a superlaser powerful enough to destroy a planet. The only planet ever hit with a nudeists primary was the world of Alderaan, home Princess Leia Organa, though a prototype nudeist was tested successfully on the moon of Kessel.
The prototype, and both full-scale nudeists were destroyed by the either the Rebel Alliance or it's later incarnation, the New Republic. A similar superlaser was constructed by the Hutts, but was doomed by it's poor production values long before the New Republic destroyed near the ice world of Hoth.
Fri May 27 22:14:46 2005
199.8.3.79
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/
http://www.altavista.com/web/results?itag=ody&q=free child nudeists&kgs=1&kls=0
I'm really not sure what anyone would want with child nudeists. Seems to me they wouldn't be all that much use until they matured into full-sized, fully-powered adult nudeists. And long before that the mother would track you down and destroy your planet. And then it really doesn't matter how many nudeists you have or what size they are.
Mon May 30 10:23:10 2005
German (Germany)
ACB09250.ipt.aol.com
172.176.146.80
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2005_02_27_lemonparty_archive.html
http://www.google.de/search?q=%2215 year old girl fuck%22&hl=de&lr=&start=10&sa=N
Here in America it isnn't legal to fuck fifteen-year-old girls, but, you know what, I'm willing to extend the benefit of the doubt, and I'm going to assume it's perfectly okay over there in Deutschland.
Well actually I figured I might as well be safe and do a little research. Nope. It's not legal there either. Sorry duder.
Mon May 30 09:29:11 2005
Japanese
ntchba172022.chba.nt.ftth.ppp.infoweb.ne.jp
210.131.53.22
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_10_17_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=nudeist&prssweb=Search&ei=UTF-8&fr=FP-tab-web-t&fl=0&x=wrt
Gosh, the Japanese sure love their gigantic planet-crushing space stations don't they? We salute your dedication, brave people of Japan.
Wed Jun 15 10:26:32 2005
217.219.114.132
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_11_14_lemonparty_archive.html
http://www.avantfind.com/search.asp?keywords=nudeism&Search.x=26&Search.y=15
Nudeism, as it turns out, is not a word. Who would have thought?
Wed Jun 15 13:55:10 2005
ca01-ch01-bl07.in-indianap0.sa.earthlink.net
207.69.137.139
http://www.lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_11_21_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.yahoo.com/search?ei=utf-8&fr=slv1-&p=nudeist camp colonies
I had no idea there were camp colonies dedicated to nudeists, or any manner of space station for that matter. The logistics of it all just seem, well out of this world. Why would a nudeist want to go to a camp colony anyway? I wouldn't think a space station really needed that sort of thing. Actually, come to think of it, I'm not even quite sure what a camp colony would be. Seems like it's either oxymoronic or redundant, but it's not quite clear which.
Fri Jul 15 07:28:49 2005
tolnt.slk-law.com
208.16.183.37
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_01_11_lemonparty_archive.html
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&q=%22Lizzemon%22
I don't really ahve anything terribly interesting about this one, it just makes sick. I weep for humanity, and I fear it is far too late to save the race of me. I've had enough of these logs; I'm going to find myself a nudeist give this world what's coming to it.*
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
*If my plan inexplicably fails you can expect updates next week. If not, it doesn't really matter, does it?
Friday, July 15, 2005
Cellars of IMDb: Brendan Fraser Is Taller Than You Are
He's six foot three. He might not be taller than you, but only if you're six three or better.
Moving on.
When last we dove into the depths of the dumpster that is the Internet Movie Database we found ourselves faced with former teen heartthrob Matt Dillon, and watched as he matured from playing attractively villainous teenagers swirling with machismo and rage into playing attractively villainous adults swirling with machismo and rage. That's called range, babe. We left off with Crash.
In said film Fraser plays a hopelessly politicized district attorney perfectly adequately.
Fraser has a history of solid performances all manner of roles in serious dramas. But that's not what you recognize him from. No, you know as any number of hunky, well-meaning "fish out of water" in atrocious comedies. Here, have a look.
Yeah, they were pretty bad. After six years of smaller movies and smaller parts George of the Jungle sky-rocketed him onto Hollywood's A-list and his parade of dimwits continued on, though with some better movies mixed in there.
The Mummy would be one such film. The Mummy Returns would not. Back to the nitwits, in 2000 he played that guy. You know that guy. He was in your high school class. He ate his boogers, didn't he? And you know he didn't have any friends, but gosh, he sure was friendly.
Bedazzled. Not a bad movie. Fraser plays that guy, who is hopeless in love with some random hottie he has no chance of getting. Then suddenly his lock changes. Enter the devil, played by Liz Hurley.
Yes, the devil wears a bikini. Zip back up and come back to Brendan Fraser with me, will you? Actually, you know what? Never mind.
I think we're done. Almost. Just a little one.
So the upshot is Liz Hurley is hot, so you should rent Bedazzled. By yourself. Or not, since Fraser's character metamorphoses into various id monsters and Fraser plays each incarnation with a great deal of verve and gusto.
Brendan Fraser. He hasn't just been a goofball, though. Really! Recently he's found himself in critically acclaimed films like Gods and Monsters and The Quiet American. True, he did play a sexy pool boy in the former, but it was a character with deep inner conflict. And highly developed pecs. But there was conflict there too!
Still, in all his successful movies he plays, well, Airheads.
That's Adam Sandler and Steve Buscemi with him. The film also features a disturbingly bearded Judd Nelson and Spinal Tap frontman Michael McKean. The movie is decidedly mediocre by most standards, but I really liked it. Until I saw it on Comedy Central every day for what seemed like years. It got a little tiresome then.
So, wrapping up.
Brendan's come a long way since his first major role, a caveman named Link awakened into modern California in the unfortunate Pauly Shore vehicle (Is there any other kind?), Encino Man.* Don't see this. Ever.
Back then he played a young man completely out of his element with little to no brain power. Since then he's branched to play many, many more of the same characters. And some good ones too! Really, he's a perfectly acceptable dramatic actor, even if most of the time he's making awful slapstick.
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
*This week's trivia note: Fraser appears in two other Pauly Shore movie, albeit only briefly. In both movies he has cameo appearances as Link, though Shore does not play the same character. Well he does because he only knows how to portray himself, but the names are different.
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Jesus Was Way Cool
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.