Lemon Party
Tuesday, August 31, 2004
This Is Going to Become a Weekly Exercise in Masochism
Referrer logs. Referrer logs are a Pandora's box I am starting to wish I had not opened, but, as the metaphor implies, I always have hope that the logs will show me something nice. Come one, come all, and see what I got instead. I should referencing Greek mythology and epic poetry, but it's just so addictive.
Fri Aug 20 02:37:50 2004
Windows NT (Win32)
English (United States)
c-24-21-63-17.client.comcast.net
24.21.63.17
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_07_04_lemonparty_archive.html#108917905777590299#108917905777590299#108917905777590299#108917905777590299 Bookmark or Typed
Okay, that's just creepy. I refuse to believe that someone typed that. And why anyone would bookmark a specific update is beyond me. The only answer is that someone sent an acquaintance the address of a that particular update. As to why the buffoon wouldn't just use the far simpler method, lemonparty.blogspot.com, I have no answer. It's not like the article in question wasn't front page at the time.
Wed Aug 25 15:48:58 2004
Windows 98 (Win32)
English (United Kingdom)
ppp-0-28.leed-a-1.access.uk.tiscali.com
80.225.170.28
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_07_lemonparty_archive.html
http://uk.search.yahoo.com/search/ukie?y=i&ei=UTF-8&fr=fp-tab-web-t&cop=mss&eo=UTF-8&m=S&p=Nudeist&
Yes, it happened again. This British fucktard wouldn't take no for an answer. He stormed through five pages of archives before giving up on his bizarre quest.
Wed Aug 25 15:50:42 2004
Windows 98 (Win32)
English (United Kingdom)
ppp-0-28.leed-a-1.access.uk.tiscali.com
80.225.170.28
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_07_lemonparty_archive.html
http://uk.search.yahoo.com/search/ukie?y=i&ei=UTF-8&fr=fp-tab-web-t&cop=mss&eo=UTF-8&m=S&p=Nudeist&
Oh wait, he didn't give up. He persisted in his vain search for "Nudeists." This is the closest I've ever come IP banning. Yes, I seriously contemplated IP banning him just for searching yahoo for "nudeist" twice. I didn't though. We're not proud enough here to pick our readers through such direct methods. We just insult them until they leave.
Sun Aug 29 21:22:13 2004 Windows NT (Win32) English (United States) MSIE 6 cache6-2.jed.isu.net.sa
212.138.64.176 http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_02_08_lemonparty_archive.html http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=cuba bitches party&ei=UTF-8&cop=mss&fr=FP-tab-web-t&b=11
Just what is a "Cuba bitches party?" If anyone knows please respond via comments or email, because my curiosity is genuinely piqued. That was a lie. I really don't care why anyone thought a blog would yield some meaningful answer bitches partying in Cuba.
Sun Aug 29 22:31:02 2004
Windows NT (Win32)
English (United States)
65-101-107-127.spkn.qwest.net
65.101.107.127
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004/05/lol-hay-gimmick-wuts-up-coal.html
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=definition%3A tubgirl&ei=UTF-8&fr=FP-tab-web-t-130&n=20&fl=0&x=wrt
The definition of tubgirl is you're a moron. Jesus Christ, it's not a complicated concept I'm sure someone must have been able to explain it to you in little words. Or at least told you where to find it. But no, you had to search yahoo for the DEFINITION OF TUBGIRL. At least it wasn't "nudeist."
Sun Aug 29 22:48:51 2004
Windows NT (Win32)
English (United States)
d28.as2.inrv.mi.core.com
216.93.21.157
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_28_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=15 year old girl pic&ei=UTF-8&cop=mss&xargs=0&pstart=1&fr=FP-tab-w
Pedophilia is sometimes referred to as a taboo. It's something very real, but not something of which people want to admit the reality. I certainly did not want to see it really showing up here. This isn't even "real" pedophilia. The pedophiles priests and all that jazz was about much younger children. Pubescent as opposed to adolescent marks. Trails of lollipops leading to nondescript vans with painted windows. Greasy, porcine men known only as "Couter." Fifteen year old girl pictures are just pathetic. This fellow wants the rush of illegal porn, but not the actuality of it. No interest in nasty little kids. Pathetic. Worst pedophile ever.
Sun Aug 29 22:50:03 2004
Windows NT (Win32)
English (United States)
d28.as2.inrv.mi.core.com
216.93.21.157
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_28_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=15 year old girl pic&ei=UTF-8&cop=mss&xargs=0&pstart=1&fr=FP-tab-w
Not only was he the worst pedophile ever, but he also went half a dozen pages of the archive searching in vain for "15 year old girl pics." And then searched yahoo again. And clicked our link again. Pedophiles are not smart people. Especially not shitty pedophiles like this one.
That's enough for this week, I think. Be sure to come back next week though, because I've got plenty more referrer log catastrophes to show you.
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
Friday, August 27, 2004
The Importance of Being Earnest
What is it about existence that makes cling to it so tenaciously? Why is it that suicide is a crime, a sin, and generally a considered a poor plan? How many rhetorical questions am I going to pack into this introduction to what will obviously be a lengthy tirade on the stupidity of Internet users? The answers are, in reverse order, three, see #1, and see #2.
That seems to have been a bit of a cop-out doesn't? It is. We'll deal with those questions, though, mark my words. I'm going to go out on a limb and assume my readers understand the basic theoretical of suicide, so instead I'll start with a suprisingly blog-like exposition.
Earlier today I saw the new movie Hero. It was maudlin and tiresome. Every character cried more than Odysseus. The action scenes were straight out of Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. I personally found that movie equally self-indulgent and gracefully impossible fight scenes awful. If I pay to see people fight I want to see them fight, not perform ballets on tree branches and lakes. A number of the characters end up killing themselves (Which in my mind, would have been much better had they done it earlier and with less posturing and wretched dialogue), and the flick's oppressive atmosphere of tedium was, to put it lightly, a bit depressing. I was starting to wish for something to stab my eyes and ears out with, but, alas, I was without blade. I did, however, have a box of Ranch Wheat Thins. I consumed said box of Wheat Thins. The only pleasant thing I can say about the movie was that those Wheat Thins were quite good.
Wheat Thins are too cheery for right now. Strike them from your mind. For now. Tommorrow you should go buy a box, but for now revel in my misery. So after Hero I'm feeling rather unpleasant, so I decide put my narrative into the present tense. It looks awful. Hero was bad and cost eight dollars, which was indeed unfortunate, but not wrist-slashing awful. It did, however, leave me stewing in my les refined thoughts. Yes, even I have moments of weakness. My answer was to play whiny music and write about suicide.
I've caught you up to the present, so I suppose it's time to deal with the aforementioned topic. Suicide. Suicide has a truly bizarre notoriety. The primary religion in the United States and in most English-speaking nations is Christianity, which, in most of its forms, considers suicide sinful. The industrialized world has, for the most part, declared suicide a crime. This is an absurd concept. Think about it. How do you punish someone who has committed suicide? It has the dubious distinction of being the only crime one can only be convicted of if one has failed at it. If you deal with a psychologist or a psychiatrist you will probably notice that those professionals have a rather low opinion of suicide. Ending one's own existence seems antithetical to the modern world.
Then why is it glorified?
Don't try to deny it. Self-sacrifice is universally accepted as virtuous, yet what is suicide but the sacrifice of self? Soldiers who perform missions that they know they won't return from are "heroes." Firefighters, police officers, people who perform tasks that have a high likelihood of causing their deaths are lauded, yet what are they doing but kiling themselves? How many movies have you seen wherein a character who kills himself, or allows himself to die through inaction is portrayed as heroic?
Do think of Kurt Cobain and Elliot Smith as criminals? You probably don't care so much about that as their music. And your opinion of their music probably isn't adversely affected by their suicides. Now turn things around just a little bit. Ever heard of a band called Judas Priest? They hadan album called "Stained Glass," once upon a time. That album contained a song "Better by You Better Than Me." That song contained a subliminal message: the words "Do it." A pair of teenagers tried to kill themselves after listening to the album. One succeeded; the other died to complications from drugs three years later. Outraged parents took the band to the court. There were record burnings. In more recent memory, the band Blink 182 put out a track called "Adam's Song" that was looped on the CD player of a suicide. Outrage.
Interesting isn't it? No one seems particularly upset about the individuals who commited suicide. But influencing someone towards suicide, that's practically satanic. Now that does, to a certain extent, make some sense. If killing yourself is such a hot plan why haven't you done it? But there's not much outrage at the old men at the Pentagon who tell young men to go kill themselves in foreign entanglements.
There are clearly contradictions in the opinion on suicide. Most of it is bullshit. Suicide is very simple if approached logically. Think of it as economics. Economics isn't just about money, surprisingly enough. The most important lesson of basic of economics is the relative value of alternatives. Suppose you like pizza and tacos, but you prefer tacos. All other variables equal you'll be eating tacos tonight. But what if we change something. Say tacos cost $10 and pizza costs $5. Pizza's starting to look a bit more attractive, isn't it? In order to decide what you're going to eat you need to weigh how much tastier you find tacos and how much money you can afford to spend. Pretty straight forward, but it becomes a bit obfuscated when you start adding questions of supply and demand, questions of ethics, more choices, etc.
None of that matters right now. Simply put, if you expect the continuation of your existence will be more painful than pleasant it's in your best interest to kill yourself. Of course it's a little more complicated, since you'll probably want to factor in the pain of death, the reactions of those around, and your imperfect information on what will happen in your future.
At the moment I do consider suicide my best option so I won't be killing myself. But your situation may be different. If you write things like "nudeist" or "increadibly," then realize that poping sleeping pills is probably a public service. But don't use the Hemingway Solution. That's reserved for your betters.
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Referrer Logs, or "Oh My God, You Pathetic Morons"
Today is Tuesday. On Tuesdays I often update Lemon Party. Since this is LemonParty I'll update this. As you may have guessed, I'm going to mention referrer logs today. Referrer logs let me know just how you find you way here, and they are not impressing me right now. Oh sure the Verizon user from Boston can't be faulted, but here are some readers who probably need help from slightly more hands-on sources. Straight jackets and beatings come to mind. Since these folks visited the site in chronological order I decided to list them in the same order.
Let's start on Friday, June twenty-third at, oh I don't know, 5:12.
Fri Jul 23 05:12:00 2004
Windows 98 (Win32)
English (United States)
MSIE 5 202-63-188-82.broadband.isp.exatt.net
202.63.188.82 3/3
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/
http://search.rediff.com/dirsrch/default.asp?MT=Download stripteasing videos&search=web&submit=Sear
So our friend searched stripteasing videos. That shouldn't be enough for me to get on his case, should it? Yes, it should. That this fuck wanted to get his wank is no crime, that's true. Chances are that he'll never see a real live naked lady without his computer... Oh wait, there is a possibility. Have you perhaps ever heard of a strip club? Well let me clue you folks in. I asked Merriam-Webster for a definition, but the closest it had was this. I'll just have to go it alone.
Basically a strip club is a seedy little place where there happen to be "strippers." These "strippers" perform what is known as, you guessed it, "stripteases." Our neighborly little perv is performing a grave injustice; he is denying these poor "strippers" their only source of income. Instead of subsidizing this poor outcast branch of our society he is trying to get videos on the internet. Of course he soon realized that he wasn't going to find anything of that nature and I suspect he quickly made his way to one of these "strip clubs."
Oh wait. That sentence was completely false.
Fri Jul 23 05:10:36 2004
Windows 98 (Win32)
English (United States)
MSIE 5 202-63-188-82.broadband.isp.exatt.net
202.63.188.82
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/
http://search.rediff.com/dirsrch/default.asp?MT=Download stripteasing videos&search=web&submit=Sear
He needed to check twice to figure out that were no videos here. Apparently comprehending text was far beyond him. Well, that doesn't make him all that unusual a blog reader. I discover that whenever someone defends the practice of cat heart removal. Still, the vast majority of Internet is textual, so one would think that he would need some sort of ability to interpret the written word just to make it this far. Oh well. Perhaps strip clubs have high enough standards that they wouldn't bother to accept him anyway. Still, when I think of the strippers...
I have no time for tears. We must jump through time to the following week.
Fri Jul 30 12:34:59 2004
Windows NT (Win32)
67.108.218.178.ptr.us.xo.net
67.108.218.178
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&q=scrumtulescent&spell=1
You searched google for "scrumtulescent." How indescribably moronic. Why would any thinking being want to search google for the obviously made-up word "scrumtulescent?" And why would that being think that a blog would hold anything pertinent about that random conglomerate of letters? If I deserved to die I would have followed that sentence up with a "*le sigh*." However, I apparently should continue to live, as I have no desire to put that particular phrase into LemonPrint. Speaking of LemonPrint, let's go to some reader mail, hey! Actually I have received any reader mail since WWTBALJ, so we'll move on to the next referrer log of note.
Thu Aug 19 03:25:22 2004
Windows NT (Win32) MSIE 6
68-189-61-61.ca.charter.com
68.189.61.61
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_07_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=SMCRT&q=sex%20nudeist
DGHAFGHAFEDGHKLSHGF.
That's an MSN search for the word "sex" and the cry for help "nudeist." Just typing it is enough to make me wince. If you for any reason discover a human who thinks that nudist is spelled nudeist, by all means kill him or her. I encourage it. Nay, I demand it. Right there we have an unforgivable degree of stupidity. Yet, if we steel ourselves against that first layer of idiocy we find another. 68.189.61.61 is looking for sex. Fabulous. In fact he's probably looking for pictures and/or videos of sex, as I suspect he has given up all hope of meeting naked ladies. He ought to if he hasn't. He specifies that he wants (The things I do for my readers) "nudeist" sex. Riddle me this, 68.189.61.61. How can tell if the people having sex are nudists or not? I mean, I get this nagging suspicion that there are quite a few people who take of their clothes when they have sex. And I have difficulty figuring out why anyone would care if the couple/threesome/etc. going at it wears clothes at other times. Seems a bit extraneous, doesn't it? Internet users never cease to amaze in their ability to become invested in stupid fetishes. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I mean I think it's pretty silly to have a hankering for malnourished and/or
rotund members of the opposite sex, but those fetishes aren't that farfetched. Stuff like this, like furries, like plushies, like snuff, like Otaku... This shit is just wrong, people. You're only demolishing what little remains of your already tiny brains. Wean yourselves off slowly, for instance first to pegging, then to BBW, then redheads, and finally regular old run of the mill naked ladies. You'll feel so much better. Don't just trust me, trust the recovering furries of the world. They're out there. Actually they used to be out there, now they're stupid people as opposed to untermenschen. Okay, that was painful, but things can only go up from here!
Fri Aug 20 16:20:07 2004
Windows 98 (Win32) MSIE 6
63.168.32.161
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_07_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=MSNH&q=NUDEIST
Another one. Internet is for imbeciles.
Fri Aug 20 16:18:34 2004
Windows 98 (Win32) MSIE 6
63.168.32.161
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_07_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=MSNH&q=NUDEIST
So nice he searched it twice. There are too many copies of the "word" "nudeist" on the screen for me to think straight. The pain is to great. I'll post this later.
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
Thursday, August 19, 2004
This title intentionally left blank
Everything has its faults, I'll be the first to admit that. And yes, everything does include Lemon Party. You see, sometimes we get so wrapped up in our hatred of people that we forget the finer sides of life. Things like art, things like puppies, things like love.
Upon further investigation I realized that it was not the fact that we had forgotten about love, it was the fact that we could not love. Allow me to go deeper into this. Take Odovaucer, he cannot because he is a soulless killing machine. I have never loved and so can only assume that I cannot. This of course leaves our last poster, who is female, and therefore cannot love. Females can only use men for their own twisted purposes until they grow tired of them, eventually finding a richer man to 'bang' until they exhaust their savings. They're leeches... vile disgusting leeches.
You may wonder about our other two posters, well they're twats. Anywho it's not all terrible being incapable of love. While this blog may have robbed us of our softer side, it did impart us with razor sharp wit, the capacity to rip a man to shreds within seconds of opening our mouths. Take for instance what happened to me today on the street.
(Please not this is entirely fictitious; I don't actually leave my house.)
Some Guy: Hey fag!
Me: Takes one to know one!
SG: Well you're still a fag, fag
Me: But you're a fag too, I bet you like to do men fag.
You should notice that by this time he was on the ground crying and a homeless man took his wallet. Our powers aren't just limited to making homeless people steal wallets; we can also make Japanese people good at math. I'm just kidding, of course. Japanese people were already good at math; our witticisms only augments their powers of computation.
Yep, wit can do a great many things, but it can't cure us of our lust for blood. ( ??? - Odovaucer) Oh yea, I forgot to mention that, we crave blood. Well, I'm not sure if the other members do but hell, I just can't get enough of that sweet, red nectar. Not that I'm a vampire, it's just good, oh man, soooo good. I mean you ever come home after school, and you just wanna chill out, you know, and your mom is all like "Andrew do the dishes," and I'm all like "FINE MOM THANKS FOR RUINING MY LIFE," and so I do the dishes but then she's all like "ANDREW YOUR SENTENCE IS TOO LONG, END IT," and I'm all like "FINE MOM!" (I don't think anyone has ever said, "Andrew do the dishes" to me. - Odovaucer) Yea, so after that happens I just need some of that sweet sweet blood to make me feel all right. It's kind of like opium, only no one ever said that blood was the opiate of the masses, they didn't say that opium was the opiate of the masses either but I'm the one writing this update, so I can pretty much say whatever I want. (That is an example of what I like to refer to as dramatic irony. Note how the audience knows what the real score is even if the character does not. - Odovaucer)
For instance right now I'm going to say the word penis, and you can't stop me. (word censored by Odovaucer). This is another one of those great things that being a writer at Lemon Party lets you do. (word censored by Odovaucer)
In conclusion (it's like I'm writing a 4th grade pros and cons paper all over again): we may be incapable of love but we get to do all sorts of other cool shit and fuck everyone who didn't both to enter our Lemon Jockey contest because you're not actually reading us for our hilarious witticisms, you're just google searching for "15 year old rape porn pics" and finding us. Well fuck you and the horse you rode in in.
t to the urtle of the _07 type out.
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
Wednesday, August 18, 2004
Assume Exhume
There may be questions floating about in your mind. Or perhaps there are no questions floating about in your mind. Perhaps you're simply not intelligent enough to formulate questions. Or maybe you're on your break and are not currently in the the whole "questioning" state of mind.
But if you do have questions, well then we're in business! There are a number of possible explanations for this phenomenon. Most of them are unexciting and are not pertinent. However I am now going to answer several strong possibilities.
Q) Why does it hurt when I pee?
A) Because you spend too much time listening to Frank Zappa albums
Q) Is that new poster actually a lady? Cuz I wanna see her bewbies! lol
A) Sometimes.
Q) Do you really think anyone will ever be thinking these particular questions when they read this piece?
A) People read Lemon Party?
Q) Isn't this awful similar to an update turtle_07 wrote a few weeks ago?
A) Actually, I'm not going to answer that one.
Q) What is the meaning of life?
Q) How do I purge myself of thetans?
A) Purchase a copy of Battlefield Earth.
Q) Just how tall is dreamboat Tom Cruise, star of such films as Jerry Maguire and Vanilla Sky?
A) He's 5'7". Jesus Christ, why don't you just use Google? Stupid questions like that are enough to drive a man to scientology.
Q) How come the Norwegian guy from Rancid speaks normally and the WASPy guy in the band has the crazy accent?
A) Now that is a good question. I really don't know. I suppose it's just a speech impediment. Still, you'd think only the Army would do that poor a job of asigning jobs. A rock singer with a lisp. Hilarious. Are you sure that other guy is Norwegian? He looks Finnish to me.
Q) How come you didn't post for two weeks when you were only on vacation for one week?
Okay, that's actually the best question. The truth is either that I enjoyed my break so much that I forgot Lemon Party existed. Or maybe I've just be busy. Ever think of that? Maybe Resting Tortoise and I have been hard at work on the "Wanna Be an LJ?" promotion. Well we did do some work on that. You may have noticed Octopud, our newest poster. Neither turtle_07's introduction nor either of Octopud's first updates have mentioned the contest because they were deferring to me. Why did they defer to me? Because Octo's shy and turtle_07's weak-willed. Or maybe it's the other way around. I'm not actually sure what the reason is, and, frankly, it really doesn't matter. Because our lady friend Octopud is the winner. There's still the small matter of the graphical representation of the contest I promised you. It is not just anything; it is Art. And now here is Art.
That was Art. Artistic Art. Art that is, unfortunately, stationary, but worry not! For I have a solution for staid, motionless graphics. That solution is called Image Ready and with it I have created this monster:
And in handy buddy icon size!
Now these pieces of Art are officially in honor of OctopudIV, but I think he'd be willing to share. So if you're ready for a new buddy icon, or even if you aren't thinking about one, try the official "WWTBALJ?" buddy icon. Or maybe put up one of the larger images on your bog or webpage to show your support for us. Soon there will be even more official Lemon Party graphics, but for now, make do. Octopud is a fine guy, you should be honored to sport a buddy icon in its honor.
Oh, and if you have suggestions or imagery of your own feel free to post comments or email one of us at Odovaucer@gmail.com or turtle_07@hotmail.com. You can also send mail to nkcarver@comcast.net or s0342165@sms.ed.ac.uk, but they probably won't respond though, since they can't be bothered to post here anymore. I could give you Octopud's email address as well, but she hasn't give me permission so I'll just post it here instead: zimonjam@dickinson.edu. I don't know for sure, but it seems to me that his email provider is some sort of pedophilia/incest/homosexual thing. For the record, let me just say that turtle_07 was her biggest proponent. Y'know, just in case a lawsuit or something surfaces.
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
Wednesday, August 11, 2004
Gimmickry
Some of you might have wondered about what super E-internet celebrities such as Odovaucer and myself do in our free time when we're not policing the internet with our increasingly witty banter. To be honest I play Doom3, at least until I get scared after two minutes and turn it off. Which is why I'm writing this update for you, not because any of you actually wonder of that I care that you do wonder, but so that I can use it as a segue into Lemon Party's most controversial topic: Gimmicks.
It was a pretty shitty segue wasn't it? Oh well, I just wanted to point out that I not only own Doom3, but my computer is powerful enough to run it, and run it well despite the fact that I have an ATI card. Anyway, let's move onto gimmickry and why I'll never sleep again.
As you may have already realized we like gimmicks, probably so much that if a gimmick ever took the form of an attractive woman I would not only do her, I'd also do her sister (assuming that she had one). Today we're going to discuss only a small section of gimmicks: catchphrases.
Before you say that I'm wrong, kill yourself. I can't stand dissenting opinions, they make me angry. Not in the hulk smash angry way, but in the "Imma go cut myself I'm so depressed angry", which now that I think about it isn't really angry. More to the point however, catchphrases.
Catchphrases are a lot like regular phrases, only you use them a lot. More than you should be allowed to. It's that fact that makes them catchphrases. However the very special things about catchphrases is that if used enough they will make people laugh, you could be saying the dumbest thing in the world but somehow, some way, you will use it and people will laugh. Albeit they will also be telling you how much they're going to hurt you while they are laughing, which will probably lead to pain. Great pain.
So this all of course leads to a single question: How do I make a catchphrase? And a single question deserves a single answer: just starting saying something over and over again. Yeah, you read through my entire update to just read this one small paragraph, don't you feel cheated?
Remember, anything can be a catchphrase, don't let the 'conventional' meaning of the word get to you. For instance, I have been able to describe everything I see as 'sassy'. And if that ain't great, I don't know what is.
And on a different note we have a new writer, one full of piss and vinegar. One who is also female (or so she claims). So if she ever updates (we've had bad luck with new writers in the past) be sure to tell her how funny she is, and she might show you her breasts (if she has any, she might have lost them in a freak accident, I don't know, I haven't met her).
And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.