Referrer Logs, or "Oh My God, You Pathetic Morons"
Today is Tuesday. On Tuesdays I often update Lemon Party. Since this is LemonParty I'll update this. As you may have guessed, I'm going to mention referrer logs today. Referrer logs let me know just how you find you way here, and they are not impressing me right now. Oh sure the Verizon user from Boston can't be faulted, but here are some readers who probably need help from slightly more hands-on sources. Straight jackets and beatings come to mind. Since these folks visited the site in chronological order I decided to list them in the same order.


Let's start on Friday, June twenty-third at, oh I don't know, 5:12.


Fri Jul 23 05:12:00 2004
Windows 98 (Win32)
English (United States)
MSIE 5 202-63-188-82.broadband.isp.exatt.net
202.63.188.82 3/3
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/
http://search.rediff.com/dirsrch/default.asp?MT=Download stripteasing videos&search=web&submit=Sear

So our friend searched stripteasing videos. That shouldn't be enough for me to get on his case, should it? Yes, it should. That this fuck wanted to get his wank is no crime, that's true. Chances are that he'll never see a real live naked lady without his computer... Oh wait, there is a possibility. Have you perhaps ever heard of a strip club? Well let me clue you folks in. I asked Merriam-Webster for a definition, but the closest it had was this. I'll just have to go it alone.

Basically a strip club is a seedy little place where there happen to be "strippers." These "strippers" perform what is known as, you guessed it, "stripteases." Our neighborly little perv is performing a grave injustice; he is denying these poor "strippers" their only source of income. Instead of subsidizing this poor outcast branch of our society he is trying to get videos on the internet. Of course he soon realized that he wasn't going to find anything of that nature and I suspect he quickly made his way to one of these "strip clubs."

Oh wait. That sentence was completely false.

Fri Jul 23 05:10:36 2004
Windows 98 (Win32)
English (United States)
MSIE 5 202-63-188-82.broadband.isp.exatt.net
202.63.188.82
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/
http://search.rediff.com/dirsrch/default.asp?MT=Download stripteasing videos&search=web&submit=Sear


He needed to check twice to figure out that were no videos here. Apparently comprehending text was far beyond him. Well, that doesn't make him all that unusual a blog reader. I discover that whenever someone defends the practice of cat heart removal. Still, the vast majority of Internet is textual, so one would think that he would need some sort of ability to interpret the written word just to make it this far. Oh well. Perhaps strip clubs have high enough standards that they wouldn't bother to accept him anyway. Still, when I think of the strippers...
I have no time for tears. We must jump through time to the following week.


Fri Jul 30 12:34:59 2004
Windows NT (Win32)
67.108.218.178.ptr.us.xo.net
67.108.218.178
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&ie=UTF-8&q=scrumtulescent&spell=1

You searched google for "scrumtulescent." How indescribably moronic. Why would any thinking being want to search google for the obviously made-up word "scrumtulescent?" And why would that being think that a blog would hold anything pertinent about that random conglomerate of letters? If I deserved to die I would have followed that sentence up with a "*le sigh*." However, I apparently should continue to live, as I have no desire to put that particular phrase into LemonPrint. Speaking of LemonPrint, let's go to some reader mail, hey! Actually I have received any reader mail since WWTBALJ, so we'll move on to the next referrer log of note.

Thu Aug 19 03:25:22 2004
Windows NT (Win32) MSIE 6
68-189-61-61.ca.charter.com
68.189.61.61
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_07_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=SMCRT&q=sex%20nudeist

DGHAFGHAFEDGHKLSHGF.

That's an MSN search for the word "sex" and the cry for help "nudeist." Just typing it is enough to make me wince. If you for any reason discover a human who thinks that nudist is spelled nudeist, by all means kill him or her. I encourage it. Nay, I demand it. Right there we have an unforgivable degree of stupidity. Yet, if we steel ourselves against that first layer of idiocy we find another. 68.189.61.61 is looking for sex. Fabulous. In fact he's probably looking for pictures and/or videos of sex, as I suspect he has given up all hope of meeting naked ladies. He ought to if he hasn't. He specifies that he wants (The things I do for my readers) "nudeist" sex. Riddle me this, 68.189.61.61. How can tell if the people having sex are nudists or not? I mean, I get this nagging suspicion that there are quite a few people who take of their clothes when they have sex. And I have difficulty figuring out why anyone would care if the couple/threesome/etc. going at it wears clothes at other times. Seems a bit extraneous, doesn't it? Internet users never cease to amaze in their ability to become invested in stupid fetishes. Stupid, stupid, stupid. I mean I think it's pretty silly to have a hankering for malnourished and/or
rotund members of the opposite sex, but those fetishes aren't that farfetched. Stuff like this, like furries, like plushies, like snuff, like Otaku... This shit is just wrong, people. You're only demolishing what little remains of your already tiny brains. Wean yourselves off slowly, for instance first to pegging, then to BBW, then redheads, and finally regular old run of the mill naked ladies. You'll feel so much better. Don't just trust me, trust the recovering furries of the world. They're out there. Actually they used to be out there, now they're stupid people as opposed to untermenschen. Okay, that was painful, but things can only go up from here!

Fri Aug 20 16:20:07 2004
Windows 98 (Win32) MSIE 6
63.168.32.161
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_07_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=MSNH&q=NUDEIST

Another one. Internet is for imbeciles.

Fri Aug 20 16:18:34 2004
Windows 98 (Win32) MSIE 6
63.168.32.161
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2003_12_07_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.msn.com/results.aspx?FORM=MSNH&q=NUDEIST

So nice he searched it twice. There are too many copies of the "word" "nudeist" on the screen for me to think straight. The pain is to great. I'll post this later.


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Odovaucer @ 2:29 PM