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Everything has its faults, I'll be the first to admit that. And yes, everything does include Lemon Party. You see, sometimes we get so wrapped up in our hatred of people that we forget the finer sides of life. Things like art, things like puppies, things like love.

Upon further investigation I realized that it was not the fact that we had forgotten about love, it was the fact that we could not love. Allow me to go deeper into this. Take Odovaucer, he cannot because he is a soulless killing machine. I have never loved and so can only assume that I cannot. This of course leaves our last poster, who is female, and therefore cannot love. Females can only use men for their own twisted purposes until they grow tired of them, eventually finding a richer man to 'bang' until they exhaust their savings. They're leeches... vile disgusting leeches.

You may wonder about our other two posters, well they're twats. Anywho it's not all terrible being incapable of love. While this blog may have robbed us of our softer side, it did impart us with razor sharp wit, the capacity to rip a man to shreds within seconds of opening our mouths. Take for instance what happened to me today on the street.

(Please not this is entirely fictitious; I don't actually leave my house.)

Some Guy: Hey fag!
Me: Takes one to know one!
SG: Well you're still a fag, fag
Me: But you're a fag too, I bet you like to do men fag.

You should notice that by this time he was on the ground crying and a homeless man took his wallet. Our powers aren't just limited to making homeless people steal wallets; we can also make Japanese people good at math. I'm just kidding, of course. Japanese people were already good at math; our witticisms only augments their powers of computation.

Yep, wit can do a great many things, but it can't cure us of our lust for blood. ( ??? - Odovaucer) Oh yea, I forgot to mention that, we crave blood. Well, I'm not sure if the other members do but hell, I just can't get enough of that sweet, red nectar. Not that I'm a vampire, it's just good, oh man, soooo good. I mean you ever come home after school, and you just wanna chill out, you know, and your mom is all like "Andrew do the dishes," and I'm all like "FINE MOM THANKS FOR RUINING MY LIFE," and so I do the dishes but then she's all like "ANDREW YOUR SENTENCE IS TOO LONG, END IT," and I'm all like "FINE MOM!" (I don't think anyone has ever said, "Andrew do the dishes" to me. - Odovaucer) Yea, so after that happens I just need some of that sweet sweet blood to make me feel all right. It's kind of like opium, only no one ever said that blood was the opiate of the masses, they didn't say that opium was the opiate of the masses either but I'm the one writing this update, so I can pretty much say whatever I want. (That is an example of what I like to refer to as dramatic irony. Note how the audience knows what the real score is even if the character does not. - Odovaucer)

For instance right now I'm going to say the word penis, and you can't stop me. (word censored by Odovaucer). This is another one of those great things that being a writer at Lemon Party lets you do. (word censored by Odovaucer)

In conclusion (it's like I'm writing a 4th grade pros and cons paper all over again): we may be incapable of love but we get to do all sorts of other cool shit and fuck everyone who didn't both to enter our Lemon Jockey contest because you're not actually reading us for our hilarious witticisms, you're just google searching for "15 year old rape porn pics" and finding us. Well fuck you and the horse you rode in in.

t to the urtle of the _07 type out.


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.

- posted by Andrew @ 12:43 AM