Gauges Unbroken, Stupid Unfucked, Work Unfinished
Today is Friday, November 19, 2004. That date is pretty much meaningless to me, and probably to you as well. How about Thursday, November 13, 2003? Probably not, and that's too bad. However I've got a solution. Take a look to the right of this paragraph. You'll notice a list of links. The second one contains the date in question. Coincidence? No sir!

If you click that link you'll find that Thursday the 13th I began the Lemon Party you all know and love, even though that is not in fact the date of the first post. The day before there were a pair of posts. However those were posts without purpose or direction. Also, there was a post on September 11, 2001, but that was a joke. If you really believed that I just happened to start up a pointless blog on September 11th, well you're probably of about average intellect or, in terms I tend to prefer, a fucking moron. I've finally admitted that that was gimmick though, so we can move on. Moving on we see the true beginning of the blog, Thursday the 13th. This year November 13 fell on a Saturday so I decided to delay the special anniversary addition until today. If you haven't noticed yet the blog of blogs is finally one year old.

As this indeed the blog's birthday week, I've decided to write a brief retrospective, a Lemon Jockey's-eye-view of this year in Lemon blogging. We've already discussed the gimmick first post, so we can now move on to the blog proper. The blog proper, incidentally, does not include any memory of much the first week, because much of the first week is stupid awful shit. My excuse is that I was young and the blog had not yet fully formed. You see, we were still feeling out styles and jokes back then. Sure turtle_07 and I are pretty polished now, but back then both us were as uncomfortable with the form as Carver Buns and Lemon Intern dfjawioeraiod.

By the second week things were noticeably more consistent, and over the following weeks turtle_07 posted more and more, and we changed the original Lemon Party signoff of "And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be e Lemon Party." to "And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be e Lemon Party. Because your blog sucks." on December 8. To this day we have retained that formula. I myself stayed in the background, editing and shopping around for more writers, and an occasional update. You'll notice we settled on three types of updates: commandments, holidays, and miniseries. Commandments and holidays are pretty self-explanatory. A miniseries was a topic that was a bit too complicated for a single commandment so we broke it up into a couple of pieces published in no particular pattern. The first two were turtle_07's series of "how-to" articles, proactively teaching proper blogging technique. My series on the do's and don'ts of comments showed up about the same time. December 10 the third poster made his triumphant debut. His egregious misspelling of the word nudist continues to bring in new readers through Internet searches for "nudeist pics."

The very next week we got our first troll. His name was dfjawioeraiodklsajfsjadlkjsdfalkjwaioeufjv m,cnm,n efjl ihjdioasjuriowaejfio fjsdlaj]]]]qwoqkeop;kda;lfks;dfkdfasgfagdsfa>>>, and he burst onto the scene with a series of comments over the weekend of December 12. (unfortunately all our early comments were lost in the HaloScan debacle, which was wholly out of our control.) Somehow he immediately captured our attention, even if his secret identity was never in doubt.** Five days later he was granted posting rights on a whim. That was probably a mistake, but what the hell, I could always delete his shit. He made one idiotic posts early on, but for the most part didn't really know what to do with his newfound power. CarverBuns, however eventually churned out his second update a few weeks after his first.

On January 10 I started using footnotes.* They show up with some regularity from here on. On Saturday, January 10 I link to the blog of a girl named Jamie. If you recall the first commandment, it was also about this blog. You see this young lady (currently a college freshman in Minnesota) is jam-packed with more bullshit than I would have thought possible. I had no compunction in saying so. For some reason she was not pleased. So CarverBuns posted again, deciding to join me in beating the ever-loving shit out of the dead horse that is Miss heartless_kitty. This post fans the flames ever higher, and we get a lovely set of comments from her idiotic friends. We continue to mock her whenever the mood strikes. Eventually something shiny distracts them and nothing of note happens until the week of February 2nd, the week I decided to remove dfjaweiod from the Party. His best work was published in that last week, but his efforts were ultimately in vain, and was removed for being a worthless sack of shit. However he is currently the official Lemon Party intern. What's up with that? Well you'll just have to wait for part two, which goes live on Monday!


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.

*Yes, this is a footnote. If you expected something enlightening here, you're going to be disappointed.

**Interesting it was turtle_07's update responding to dfjawioeraiodklsajfsjadlkjsdfalkjwaioeufjv m,cnm,n efjl ihjdioasjuriowaejfio fjsdlaj]]]]qwoqkeop;kda;lfks;dfkdfasgfagdsfa>>>'s comments that first showcased the now universal term "interwebnation superhighway."
- posted by Odovaucer @ 9:30 PM