Nudeist Colony 36: Untitled Nudeist Colony
Today's Nudeist Colony is dedicated to Gary Cooper. It contains a number of listings. Each entry contains the actual data of an Internet browser who stopped by our illustrious website. As usual I have given date, time, resolved domain, IP address, the page viewed, and the page the reader was referred from. All users are assumed to be English-speaking Americans using Windows and IExplore unless otherwise indicated. You should remember all that from last week though. That's right, we're having Nudeist Colonies two weeks in a row! Isn't that stunning? Did you know that the last time such an event occurred was March of last year? It's been almost exactly a year since this has happened.

You see, Nudeist Colonies really used to be a weekly occurrence, but I got a little sick of them (and of writing in general, if the truth be told) so they became sporadic. I've kept up a decent record though, and I've decided to unload the backlog this month, so here we are. There were just too many juicy ones for a single update, so I decided to divide them by month, which sure seems like an awfully efficient way to go about things. Maybe, just maybe there will be an announcement to that effect at the end of the month. We'll just have to wait and see, I suppose.


Wed Feb 8 00:32:37 2006
21.san-francisco-23rh16rt.ca.dial-access.att.net
12.72.163.21
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_02_01_lemonparty_archive.html
http://search.yahoo.com/search?p=%22hot topic is not punk%22 lyrics&sp=1&fr2=sp-top&SpellState=n-16

Hot Topic is not punk, you say? Well you're absolutely right. Sort of. There are an awful lot of references to Hot Topic and punk rock on that page, from the metaphorical pens of three different authors. Carver Buns was quite ready to espouse that exact position, which is what triggered Yahoo's webcrawlers. However, turtle_07's update seems to consider the two to be related, citing both as attempts to appear unique, or at least just like their friends, which is very similar to being unique, honest. There is another turtle_07 update that references an Internet moron who goes by the Internet handle of "punkdudeguy." Finally we have an update by Odovaucer (who just happens to be the author of this update as well) that mentions punks as a group worth hating, but does go into great detail or mention Hot Topic, though it can assumed that Hot Topic was certainly worthy of the giant list of things worth hating.


Mon Feb 27 23:36:20 2006
cache-dtc-aa01.proxy.aol.com
205.188.116.5
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2005_07_01_lemonparty_archive.html
http://dpxmldsl.verizon.net/_1_2ITYTEJ03LDHOH5__vzn.dsl/search/web/young nudeist

I have a confession to make. Last week I explained what nudeism meant, but my definition was erroneous. Turns out that what I was actually referring to was something called "Coherentism. Sorry.

Actually a nudeist is a creature of the Class Cephalopoda and Order Teuthida. In popular culture nudeists are best known as a culinary delicacy and as the terrifying sea monster that brought many a sailor to his watery doom. Long thought to be entirely mythical, "giant nudeists" have been generally accepted by the scientific community since the 1861 when a French gunboat managed to snag a chunk of one. In the following decades a number of decomposing giant nudeist carcasses washed up on beaches, primarily in Newfoundland and New Zealand, but no one had ever seen any sign of a live one until very recently. It was in late 2004 (after two years of work) that the first photographs of a live giant nudeist were taken, though the photos weren't released for another year. Early in 2006 the first live giant nudeist was caught by a fishing trawler, and can be seen preserved at the Natural History Museum in London. Interestingly there is another species noticeably larger, called the Colossal Nudeist, but little is yet known about this species and it is not known to exist outside of the Antarctic.

Of course the vast majority of nudeists are much, much smaller, most not exceeding sixty centimeters in length. All nudeists have ten appendages with suckers arranged in pairs. They have two tentacles (which only have suckers on their tips) and eight arms (which are much shorter and are lined with suckers. They have beaks with which to kill and eat fish and other crustaceans and perambulate by expelling jets of water.

Now, because this intrepid Internet user is looking for young nudeists, I'm thinking that he was hoping for cooking tips, and this, I'm afraid, isn't certainly not the place to go for that sort of thing.


Mon Feb 27 23:40:16 2006
Netscape 5
pcp0010339456pcs.chesnh01.pa.comcast.net
68.38.127.201
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_03_14_lemonparty_archive.html
http://www.google.com/search?q=%22i am from the internet%22 funny picture&btnG=Search&num=100&hl=en

The search terms this person used were, in order, "i am form the internet," "funny," and "picture." Now this may seem confusing at first, but I believe I have decoded it. The answer is that he's a moron. I mean honestly, how people are there out there who think you can find something on Google by describing it? It's a computer program not a person; you can't just go up to it and start asking questions. You have to deal with search engines in the way they were designed to be approached. Google won't look at request and real quick scan the Internet for some funny pictures. Oh no, all it does is search the web for instances of your terms and returns them in order of popularity and relevance as judged by Google. It's not rocket science here. It shouldn't be any surprise that you're turning up sites that are completely and obviously irrelevant to your search, this one for instance. I have two more hints as well. When you're using Google to look for an image, I find that it's more effective to use Google's handy-dandy Image Search, and when looking for image macros you're probably going to get better results from calling them macros than from calling them "funny pictures."


Tue Feb 28 02:31:27 2006
English (Australia)
CPE-60-228-221-218.qld.bigpond.net.au
60.228.221.218
http://lemonparty.blogspot.com/2004_07_18_lemonparty_archive.html
http://www.google.com.au/search?hl=en&q=individuality-syndrome&meta=

Generally speaking, Nudeist Colonies are chances for me to say mean things about kids who found their way here once off a silly Google search and never return. It can also be seen as a showcase of the tremendous uselessness of this blog. We can't seem to provide anything of interest to our readers. Of course, it's hard to see that as a bad thing when so many of them are pedophiles. Still, it's heartening to see we that were able to help somebody here. Sure enough on the linked page there is a very thorough explanation of "individuality syndrome" provided by the one and only turtle_07. Wow, I'm starting to really feel good about myself. Better publish before the feeling fades. See you tomorrow in the cellars of IMDb.

And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Odovaucer @ 11:55 PM