Lord of the Leaves: Episode Two
It is time for another dose of squirrel chat. Last week I told you that red squirrels and brown squirrels do not exist. That remains true. Fortunately gray squirrels still exist so we can continue our contemplation of said gray squirrels. Unfortunately gray squirrels still exist, which means you are still very much in danger every time you leave your home. I shall conclude this gratuitous recap with an image of the insidious danger with which you should all be intimately familiar by now.





Mean looking sucker, isn't he? Last week I may have implied that the danger posed by gray squirrels was not well known. True, very few Americans understand the insidiousness, but across the pond in Portugal these things are taken very seriously.





Sure the picture doesn't look all that threatening, but trust me, there's more here than meets the eye. Suffice to say that the Portuguese take the danger quite seriously.


Meanwhile in America...


In America squirrel menace is completely unknown. Furries do their best to glamorize the squirrels, never understanding the truth. Luckily these artists and lifestyle pioneers are not particularly skilled at the art of glamorizing anything, so the pictures above are likely to produce a negative, visceral reaction from most readers. Still, the images are more objects of ridicule than of terror. There's something creepy about them, but they're just too pathetic to really induce fear. Nausea is certainly within their capacities though, and you really ought to avoid these creatures nearly as strenuously as you should avoid true squirrels.

It isn't just the furries perpetuating incorrect images of squirrels though. There are at least a dozen variations of the following image on the Internet.



That certainly is humorous isn't it? I know; I just can't stop laughing, and I desperately need to see the numerous variations of this image floating around out there. That innocuous little picture helps perpetuate the myth that squirrels are harmless and a suitable subject for ridicule. There are few more severe mistakes. You underestimate the vigor, the perspicacity, the viciousness of the gray squirrel and you may find yourself in a rather unfortunate place.




I think we've gone on long enough now, so check back next week for the conclusion of our squirrel guide. Until then.

Remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Odovaucer @ 3:06 PM