Wolves in rearview mirror may be more rabid than they actually appear
Have you ever been chased by wild (possibly rabid) wolves through a forest for a good ten minutes only to discover that they were actually wild and rabid dogs? If you have then you'd know what my entire life has been like. Well, actually, to be totally honest not my entire life. Just last Tuesday when I was chased through the woods by what appeared to be wild wolves who turned out to just be rabid dogs. Stupid I know but everyone makes a mistake now and again.

To be totally honest I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. One of them was ignoring this very fine and very not dead blog. I even had this whole "we're not yet dead" update planned (and partially written) until I lost interest and decided I'd finish it later. Well, in case you can’t tell by now later will never come and you'll never get a chance to read what could very well have been the greatest update in our short existence (or very easily the worst). Which got me thinking: why do I ditch updates anyway? I mean I have a good deal of them sitting in the Lemon Party vault that will never see the light of day. Either half done or just no longer relevant (I thought that bashing Nixon would never go out of style... Odovaucer put me in my place) these updates sit and stew in their own filth until such a day when the great purging comes. As that day has not yet come, I invite you all to read my first ever clip show. Today's episode: Broken Dreams.

Our first little clip comes from 7/23/2004. Titled "Guide to Yourself" this was my way of lashing out at those people who always "get tired of arguing" because "they're right" or some other such rubbish. Oh yeah, it was also my way of striking out at Odovaucer for being a really mean person :( .

In case you can read Odovaucer has gotten increasingly bitter. No really, he has. Just read his two updates and all of his comments. Attacking me with bitter jabs of bitterness and then (after I misread his update) he goes and misreads my comments, where he goes and automatically assume that I was defending DND. I would continue on but hell, let's keep our personal feelings out of it (even if Odovaucer is a big doo doo head).

Take That Odovaucer! My amazing wit and eloquent writing style strike again!


That's not the entire update, it was pretty long and hell, we're not here to make you read four updates in one, we're here to... I don't know. Party hard?

Moving on, we have a touching and heartfelt update from 7/30/2004 entitled "The continuing story of Peru." There was a chance that we may have had to get rid of one of my dogs (Peru, duh). In my update I wanted to outline how much I loved her and what her life had been like. Luckily nothing bad happened and that update was discarded like so many urine soaked sheets.

I first saw Peru when I was around 10 or 11, perhaps even as old as twelve. I really don't know, it was somewhere in that time period. We were at the SPCA, looking for another dog so that our only dog, Juno, wouldn't be lonley at day when I went to school and my mother and boyfriend went to work (parents were split up by that point). They had already looked a certain saint bernard, a small runt of the litter, a pathetic little thing with so much hair falling out that we thought that she was a short-haired saint bernard. Her name was Peruvia (Perusia?), and she didn't like to be touched. No she didn't nip us when we tried to pet her, but she shied away from all human contact...

There's more, it was a very very long paragraph but for your sake I've cut it down.


Moving onto to our third and final clip (no, this wasn't all of them) which was made on 3/01/2005 and titled: "what's the password?"

We've had a long and illustrious history here at Lemon Party, we've gone over so many topics it's hard to recount them all. There's going up, going down, getting out, sliding in, escaping, leaning towards the middle, and who could forget falling down. Actually, we've discussed all of them but one: Sliding in. We've had our ups and downs when we've attempted to raise the level of writing on average blogs while my writing quality went down. We've fallen down when a week would go by with only a single entry. I've escaped judgment (narrowly I might add) by blaming many of our escapades on Odovaucer. And we've leaned towards the middle in an attempt to find fantastic comedy that didn't necessarily revolve around blogs.


But where does sliding in fit into that huge jumble of a paragraph? In truth it doesn't belong there (certain sentences excluded), it belongs here, in this paragraph. We've done a lot but we haven't exactly explained how to slide into your own little internet niche. In this update we'll not only show you how, we'll show you how!

I think that this update was a (not so) clever way to apologize to all of you for not putting any effort into half of my updates. I mean there's more past this point but I think that anyone can tell that it's just a tag on trying to make it a real update. Or maybe it wasn't. I'm not reading all of it and if you've ever made it this far you must be pretty dumb for not doing something more productive with your time than reading through crappy old updates. That or insanely smart. You're speed reading our blog while sipping your cappuccino and projecting thoughts to everyone in a 10 mile radius. "I do say, those chaps at Lemon Party certainly don't fully understand quantum mechanics, Uhurumph harrah."


Hey, fuck you buddy. I'm out.

And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 6:18 PM