This is the Modern Way
Hi there. Welcome to the show. Today I’m going to make a grievous mistake for your edification and enjoyment. Yes, there will be pictures.

Take a look at the screen in front of you. On it you will see words and images, no? In fact it should look something like this:



You may notice that in the upper right-hand corner there resides a button labeled “NEXT BLOG.” Perhaps you’ve investigated this button yourself, but perhaps not. Essentially what it does is redirect your browser to another blog hosted on Blogspot.



You could go find yourself reading just about anything with just the click of a button. At least that’s the theory. Let’s take a look at what actually happens.



Ignoring that image for the moment, let’s be impulsive and click away. Our first result is a little number called The Conway.



She capitalized every word. Every single fucking word. I tried to read it, but couldn’t manage to slog through the entire wasteland of pointless capitalizations and stream-of-consciousness stupidity. My advice is to try using transitions and think about spacing. No ellipses don’t count as either….In fact most bloggers should probably just not use the ellipsis at all. The vast majority of the usages I’ve seen have been completely wrong-headed and utterly counter-productive. If you’re not retarded you should be able to use the device properly, but do not for a moment assume that you qualify for that distinction.

She also has dozens of fashion photographs with inspid little comments, and apparently a collaborator who seems to be the entire target audience of each post and does not actually contribute anything herself. Whatever. Obviously there’s nothing worthwhile, and I wish mightily that I had not come here. So of course the obvious choice is to hit NEXT BLOG again.



Oh great, a naked baby. I needed this. Really, I did. This family has chronicled the little brat’s entire existence, starting from damn near fucking conception, on the Internet. For anyone to see thanks to that handy handy NEXT BLOG button. They’re presenting his virginal ass to an Interwebnation Superhighway full of pederasts. Great planning there, folks. Seriously, can’t you use regular photo hosting for your self-indulgent obsession? I’ll admit the little fucker’s cute in some of the picture, but not everyone wants to see your two years of constant baby photography. Jesus, read a book, watch a movie, I don’t care, just do something else. For once.

AGAIN!



Apparently there really are people too stupid to get join the army, but luckily there’s still hope that they can forcibly remove themselves from the gene pool for God and country. Damn, I love the Internet. I’m also glad to know that reading Macbeth will help me join the army. Cuz I sure as hell can’t think of any other reason to read it.

One. More. Time!



Oh well. Seems a little strange that he would have English language advertisements in his Spanish language blog. Whatever.


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Odovaucer @ 6:54 PM