I'm sorry
Alright, there, I said it. I apologize for all of the times that I posted a bad update and forced all of you (our humble readers) to read it; I apologize for threatening to eat your dog and/or cat if I was not fed dinner after I forced you to read the update (I'm not attacking the troll, I actually did this once, I'm not too proud of my past), and I have a very special apology for a Mr. Fuck you lemonparty. My apology to him is two-fold. First, he has a terrible name (or Internet alias as it is more often called), and second... well there was no second.

At this point you should be asking yourselves, why on Earth is he apologizing, and how come his updates are so terrible? Or, if you are only capable of holding one thought at a time: "Now how did they get this that there Internet to fit into my computer screen?" In response to the first part of your thought: it's called a segue; we've been over this before.

The second part of your thought/question... well that's what this is about. Imagination is the name of the game, and I severely lack it. I was the kid in art class who would stare at the blank canvas for at least one full period before he even had an idea about what he would draw (that would be if I actually took drawing/painting classes). Good ideas for me are few and far between, and I am very bad at turning a mediocre idea into something funny. Sorry.

So what can we do about that? If you just thought nothing than you sir are a defeatist, and I WILL NOT have you reading our blog! Whenever you have a question it's always best to consult the Internet, as it will be the fastest and most reliable source of information. It's also a good idea to cross-reference your search with a movie in which someone had a similar problem. For instance, if I were being hunted down by zombies, Night of the Living Dead might have been a good thing to look up. As I am currently looking for imagination or, if you will, a swing in my step I will be looking up just how a lady named Stella got her groove back.

(I hope you all understood how severe a sign this is. - Odovaucer)

Step one is to use a search term that the search engine can understand so that you can get the best possible results. For this reason I have chosen the phrase: "How did stella get he groove back?" The question mark lets the search engine (google.com) know that you're serious and that this isn't a search for naked pictures of Pamela Anderson.

Don't let anything sway you from your question, especially poor grammar. Do not, under any circumstance give into any suggestions that the search engine might throw back at you. Example:

"Did you mean: how did stella got her groove back?"

The best thing to do in this situation is to immediately type into the search box: "No, I did not mean "(search engine's suggestion)" and then hit enter so that it will change your results away from what the search engine thinks you want and instead display what you actually want.

Unfortunately this is one of the unlucky times when the search engine has not been able to find a sufficient answer to your question, don't fret too much, it happens sometimes. I suppose I'll never know just how Stella got her groove back... although I suppose that even if I did know it was probably some dance move and nothing that dealt with writing humorous updates for an Internet site.


Stay tuned (don't actually) for part two in which I find hope at the bottom of a bottle of KetelOne Vodka.


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 6:02 PM