Event Horizon
I was told by my esteemed lemolleague (Lemon Party + colleague... it makes sense) Odovaucer to write an update with a purpose. I was told that my update would be about kittens; I was told that I would do this or he would kill my mother. I was also told that one of my three dogs had been equipped with a bomb and I was to make the update 'snappy' if I didn't want to play Russian roulette with their lives.

I responded thusly: I told Odovaucer that he was not only full of shit, but also full of dumb, I told Odovaucer that there was no way he could have attached a bomb to any one of my dogs because I have x-ray vision, and I told Odovaucer that I had never done no wanderin' (it was on my playlist at the time). Of course that exchange got me wondering (not wanderin', see above), just what's newsworthy... what deserves to be proudly displayed in our prestigious blog?

I mean can I just write whatever the hell I want? Are there standards that I must abide by? Has it stopped being taboo to write about our personal lives in Lemon Party? What if it's really cool... like a swirling vortex of pain opens up in my bathroom and I start seeing naked women through it? What a predicament! What a quandary! What a high school education!

This if course begs to ask the even larger question of: "Can I talk about what I can talk about in our blog?" Which begs the even larger question of "If I can't talk about what I can talk about in our blog, what can I talk about?" I asked our resident science scholar that very question and after running a series of tests he left me this email:

From: Resident Science Scholar
To: Uniquename@gmail.com
Subject: Re: What can I write about?

Kittens

I like Calicos the best, how bout you guys?


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 11:38 PM