Definite Impossibilities
This is Lemon Party. I tend to write things and post them here. Now, you may not have been reading this blog since it's inception; in fact you may be reading it for the first time right now. Now I am of the school of thought that suggests that it is impossible to know where one is going if one does not know where one has been. As such, it is important to me that I explain where Lemon Party came from before I reveal where it's going.

In the distant, primordial past I was just another guy surfing the Internets, looking for something fun to waste my time. I like to remember these are carefree days (though they weren't) because nostalgia is very hip and very reassuring. There I was without a care in the world, until I discovered blogs. Blogs, short for weblogs, are websites set up to allow Internet users to share their writings with anyone who stumbles upon said writings. Some people used them as journals, some as soapboxes, others merely for socialization. There are hopes and fears, dreams and stories and essays on blogs. There are homework assignments and fan fictions and photos and scientific papers. In short the entire breadth of human endeavor can be found in blogs for no cost to the consumer. Blogspot, Livejournal, Xanga, and more provide hosting and a template for anyone with an email address to start up a blog.

I found this world, and immediately two emotions swelled in my breast. I felt the sweetest sadness, a mourning for such wasted potential, and I felt a slow-burning rage welling up from my spleen in waves of righteous indignation and the ire born of stark betrayal. I saw corruption where there could have been virtue. I saw hacks where there could have been artists, fanfic writers where there could have been novelists, whiny teenage brats where there could have been essayists. All that space completely and utterly wasted. So I thought to myself that someone ought to do something about that. Now I knew cleaning up the Internet's blogs was far too demanding a task for man, but I knew that I had to make the effort. Even when he is doomed to failure, the moral man will attempt to do right.

Thus was Lemon Party begun. I wrote my treatises and brought in outsiders to offer their own perspectives on the blog menace. Slowly a small readership developed, and we have made some impact on the Internet; we've made a difference, Goddamnit. In recent times though it seems as if we may have lost our way. It is becoming more and more infrequent that you will see a "commandment" or other commentary on blogging or a particular blog. Instead these pages are oft filled with a cacophony of other writings. We've posted comics, and treatises on Dungeons and Dragons, and Nudeist Colonies, and villainous slander against each other. In the end, though we've lost that spark, that guiding purpose. It's been difficult for me to accept this, but I have now come to terms with the inevitable downfall of our crusade.

I am now ready to announce that no longer shall we maintain this pretense of blogging about blogs. No longer will we waste your time with foolishness like comics and nudeist colonies and time travel. From this day hence Lemon Party will serve a new role in the community, that of film reviewers. Four days a week we will review a film available at your local Blockbuster Video. On Fridays I shall post a review of a newly released film still available in cinemas across the nation. We will also be implementing a new sortable archive that will allow you to browse our reviews with unprecedented ease.

There is some sadness at giving up our past, but I hope that whatever regrets you may will be tempered by the promise of our bold new future. Thanks for reading. Good night.





And remember to visit our sponsor Blockbuster Video!
- posted by Odovaucer @ 5:46 PM