The Final Frontier
Today I'm going to do something absolutely shocking. Today I'm going to be writing about blogging. I'm going to take a look at something brand new, something that has never before been discussed on these pages . First I need to remind you that the Who Wants to Be a Lemon Jockey contest is still in full swing. You can still enter at until midnight on tomorrow night, so get to work on your sample. We'll see if you've got what it takes to be a Lemon Jockey.


Back to that matter at hand. This week I'd like to talk to you about a blogging tool that has never before been mentioned here on Lemon Party. You could think of this as a momentous occasion. Or you could just read on slack-jawed as always. I'm talking about MySpace.com.

MySpace is a most peculiar sort of animal. Officially it lists itself as "a place for friends," whatever that means. It serves as dating service, blog, chat program, BBS, image hosting, and general excuse to circle jerk. That's right the primary function is building circles of friends through rampant ass-kissing in the hopes that those folks will turn around brown-nose you right back. A constant circle of ego-stroking much like Blogger and Livejournal.

Because MySpace is supposed to be a tool for meeting exciting new friends it has fields for a good deal personal data, and most users seem to be willing to share a sorts of interesting details, along with their names and photographs. The most important consequence is that this gives me even more opportunities to ridicule them.

MySpace's blogging tools are less sophisticated than those of the pure blogging sites, but the content is equally insipid. Yes, quoting song lyrics because that seem fitting still looks awful. No, appropriate capitalization is not difficult as Laura makes it look. Did you know that she does not smoke? She was quite firm in stating that, but apparently she found the question of whether she drinks not to be applicable. There cannot possibly be reason she cannot answer this question with either a "yes" or a "no." That she chooses to hedge means either she does drink and doesn't want that information to fall into the hands of those who would be displeased at an eighteen-year-old imbibing spirits, or she does not drink and doesn't want her friends to know she's such a pussy. Either way she chose a rather wretched way to go about it. If you'd like to keep certain information private try leaving the field blank. That way you don't draw attention to your unwillingness to answer the question.


Oh look, this dear fellow enjoys some quality television, doesn't he? Maybe we can cut Ezra some slack. After all he is a homosexual, and homosexuals were supposed to have no taste of their own, right? At least he's willing to admit that he imbibes upon occasion.

Hello Michelle. Michelle is an eighteen-year-old high school student who earns over $250,000 a year. Her hero is Paris Hilton and she enjoys the music of Vanessa Carlton, Juicy Couture, and writing. Something tells me she isn't making those two hundred fifty grand on her writing. Just a hunch though.

Much like on livejournal, just because you can do something doesn't mean you ought to. Not even Mormons like Adam should be allowed to alter the backgrounds of their webpages.

Liza is seventeen and a proud smoker, drinker, and parent. Luckily she makes over $250,000 a year, so she be able to handle the economic strains. Certainly are a lot of awfully rich high school students are MySpace. Notice that her body type is 5'4." Most of the previous MySpace profiles had words like slim or athletic in that slot. I think maybe Liza's a little insecure about her body! I guess that happens when you've squeezed a few out.

Again notice that none of the comments on any of those page were in any way disparaging or negative. Certainly the contents of those pages was not beyond reproach, and I doubt all MySpace users are so very nice people. Instead the primary purpose of MySpace has become obtaining as a long a list of friends as possible. That means circle jerk time. The same thing tends to happen on most blogs, but there's a delightful undercurrent of desperation here on MySpace. Comments on blogs are generally from people without anything to gain except dishonest praise. On MySpace you could gain a "friend" just saying that some girl looks "raelly cute ;-)"

In the immortal words of Laura, Ugg a wugg and outt...





And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Odovaucer @ 11:59 PM