In the Grammar Slammer
Last week I told you I'd be helping you out with the basic building blocks of your blog entries: the words you use. I'm going to help you figure out how to spell them correctly, how to put them in the appropriate order, and even which words to use. The hardest part is deciding where to start, since you, my readership, are all at very different levels of verbal acuity. As you may know by now there was a comma missing from one of turtle_07's recent posts. Specifically he wrote "bow to us peons" when, most likely, his intention was to declare "bow before us, peons." Without the comma the phrase implies that he himself is a peon, not you, his audience." Congratulations are due for "morning belle," the only with the grammatical chops and intestinal fortitude to mention it.

As to the rest of you, well some of you don't even speak English. Therefore I think we need to start pretty basic. That means lesson one will be about gerunds. That's a joke. Did you laugh? I didn't. That's because it wasn't funny. Writing is serious business, there is no room for humor in matters such as these. You thought protecting yourself from squirrels was a grim endeavor? You have not seen anything yet.

Actually our first lesson is going to be so ridiculously simple that you might suspect that I churned this out at the very last moment, which would be utterly calumnious and false. We're going to start with the single most basic technique for improving the quality of your blogging: the spell checker.

I now present an image of a sample blog with the spellcheck button highlighted.




I hope that's clear enough. Next we have a simulation of what could happen if you were to click that spellcheck button.




Notice that in this case the primary suggestion is most likely the correct answer. This is the case in this situation, but do not be so brash as to assume that the first result is always the best. Oftentimes the best fit is not the first result, but instead a later possibility, it might even be completely unlisted. The primary function of the spell checker is the identifying of problems. The fixing of those problems is entirely in your hands. Of course the spell checker is not infallible, and you should also proofread your work yourself. I know it sounds like a lot of work, but it could save you considerable embarrassment. Or it could if you weren't utterly shameless in your rampant stupidity, you incredibly dense mongoloids. Is there nothing you can grasp for yourselves?

Of course proofreading isn't perfect either, but do what you can. The effort will serve you well in the long run. I now present an image that points out the spell checking function of livejournal, just in case that's the chosen medium of your awful whining, pointless bluster, and atrocious homework assignments.



That's all for this update. Tune in next time when we take the next step.


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Odovaucer @ 11:59 PM