Holes Punched In It
No, I'm not writing about writing today. Instead I'm going to talk to you about some of the things I've seen browsing Livejournal. The first I learned reading random Livejournals is that one should never under any circumstances read random livejournals. It is an exercise in masochism. Nevertheless, I have gone perusing for your reading pleasure, and, also for your reading pleasure, I have left out a number of pages that are simply too painful to behold.

We'll start simply, with a lesson. This is LJ should illustrate the concept of "picking one's battles." This blogger apparently takes it personally when Internet users make fun of her for the weather she experiences. She needs to quite simply chill the fuck out. Fighting battles over the Internet is not easy and not fulfilling. Whenever possible you should realize that nothing anyone says on the Internet ought to be taken seriously. When people tease you about the weather you let it slide unless you're an melodramatic bitch-whore. Do you think there are more normal people with livejournals or melodramatic bitch-whores? Quick hint: the correct answer rhymes with snitch cores.

Music is a very powerful thing. Sometimes it is a good idea to put song lyrics in your blog entry. However it will make you look like a gigantic flaming moron unless your use of lyrics is sarcastic. If you think a song's lyrics are deep and meaningful and somehow relevant to your situation, take a moment to reexamine your situation. Chances are you're actually really dumb and posting lyrics will make this readily apparent to your readership. Basically want I'm driving at is this commandment. Isn't it just ever so sweet though? This girl is quoting Maroon 5 to show her significant other how much she cares for him or her. Her contribution to the update is the words "baby this is for you." Wow, that's certainly a awfully personal statement you made there. I bet he dumped her and that's why she stopped posting after that update. I wouldn't just dump if I had been her boyfriend though. I'd have slit her throat as well and then framed Maroon 5. Actually I probably wouldn't have to bother with that step; no jury in the world convict me. It's what we in the legal profession refer to as "justifiable homicide."

Here is our third and final stupid LJ girl. Oh wait, it isn't a girl, it's gay male. It's also an excellent justification for rampant homophobia. No one would be trying to legalize gay marriage if this blog was in public circulation. Instead you'd hear about efforts to legalize gay-lynching. Seriously, this fellow says things like "But with Ernie it's so different. In spite of how he's treating me right now I just can't believe that he's a bad person." Nearly any relationship angst looks stupid, but this is pretty bad stuff.

Think that's dumb? Take a look at this one. Yes that is a grammatical error in the update's title. "Lindsay Lohan is SO cool, I love her. I still think that looks-wise I'm the male version of her and after I get out of the Mystic Tan booth, we're almost gonna be the same person!"

There really isn't anything else to say on this topic.

And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Odovaucer @ 10:37 PM