For love of (noun)
I've done a lot of soul searching, and I haven't really found anything. Some might argue that's because I don't have a soul, but I mean I could have been searching in the wrong place... Like the fridge. On a similar note I did find a jar of old mayonnaise. Haha I bet you didn't see that one coming; I didn't. (Authors note: I didn't actually find a jar of old mayonnaise; the mayonnaise in my fridge is fresh and delicious)

But enough about my eyesight, I'm sure that you want to hear about all of the exciting things that I found in my fridge. They're not really exciting per se... as they are food products. But they're more than that, they're food products with purposes. Not very good purposes, but to be quite honest they're not very good food products. I mean what kind of purpose can you expect from two month old mustard?

Of course that's not to say that all food products have no purpose, black forest ham's purpose is to be delicious and not kosher. Yeah, it's still not great, but it's a better purpose than you'll ever have. Bazzzing. I bet you're all wondering how much longer I'm going to go on about food. Well not much longer, I'm switching topics to Scotland in the next sentence.

Haha, just kidding; back to food. What's the deal with airline peanuts? I mean first of all, what made them choose peanuts? I can just see a bunch of airline executives sitting in a room together staring at assorted snack foods, and suddenly one of them looks up with an enlightened grin on his face. "Boys," he says, "what about peanuts?"

(It's all part of the squirrel conspiracy. Do I even have to tell that part three is next week? - Odovaucer)

Or how about those warning labels on mattresses? I can't even remember what they say anymore, but what's the deal with them anyway? Why are they there? What are you warning me of? Do I even need to say anything, or once I say mattress and label you dissolve into giggly hissy fits so my grammar in sentence can bad get because you'll next read paragraph giggly.

Wow that last paragraph sure sucked, it's a good thing that you didn't read it. But if I mention it now you may go back and read it and discover how terrible it was. That's why I'll need to hypnotize you.



ALL GLORY TO LEMON PARTY. BOW BEFORE US PEONS!

And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.

- posted by Andrew @ 11:59 PM