Hey Bungalow Bill!
Editor's Note: This week's articles have been delayed due to uexpected downtime on the part of Blogger. You'll be getting a reasonable number of updates with reasonable post dates; they just won't necessarily be ready on those post dates. Just a little patience and everything will be fine.


Here we go again. I've always wanted to start an update that way, saying that implies that we are in fact doing something for the second time, and that implies that we're doing it again because it was mildly successful, at least in my eyes. Of course that raises the question of what exactly defines success? Money? Power? Cars? Women? (The answer is simple: hosues - Odovaucer) Well those may show success in real life, but on Internet it's completely different. At least I want it to be, so it is. Anyway, before you throw a hissy fit the secret to measuring E-neticon prosperity is readership. Of course because you're never sure if the readers may be looking for gay porn or something (Hoo-Ha!), and not for your witty and insightful posts. You have to base it off the comments you get. In our case, none.

I've been called a lot of things in my endless quest for comments, the most notable of which was a loser. Correction: I was called a heartless bastard. Not in those exact words, but Odovaucer and I were cursed at for being heartless bastards, which really wasn't my fault since it was all Odovaucer's fault. No really, it was. Ok fine, it was partially my fault. Anyways, you all may remember a little bit of drama from a while back, involving a girl, a girl, to whom we said mean things. Involving, but not limited to, telling her that her teacher was stupid, not in those exact words but you get the point. Hordes of her angry friends descended upon Lemon Party in outrage. How dare we?! HOW DARE WE!?!? I'm not sure how we dared but we (at least I) learned something that day/night/afternoon. If you want comments you gotta go after people.

While perhaps my razor sharp wit is not as sharp as Odovaucer's, I can still bust a few proverbial heads. Before my Lemon Party lessons used faceless individuals to tell you how not to blog.* Sure it may have hurt their feelings had they known, but they didn't know and it was for a great good. Good, right? No! Not good! If you want the monies you have to fry the big fish. Enter this young man. Not only is he a friend of my brother, but I also posted on his livejournal already, pretending to help him, gaining his trust until the moment (now) that I strike at his heart and make him cry.

Naj, as you call yourself, you are a buffoon of the highest level. There I said it, you are a buffoon. In fact... in fact... your intelligence is only surpassed by your odor (notice how I trapped him a vicious web of non-lies (Truths, perhaps? - Odovaucer)? If he's smart he smells a lot, and if is hygienic than he is very stupid! I am a genius of the highest caliber)! I would continue with my not-so-verbal verbal beating but you get the point. Naj is probably in tears right now, and women love me.

But wait! There's so much more! Actually there isn't, go home. Wait... no... don't go home. Unleash your hatred on our comment box, I dare you. I HAVE INSULTED ONE OF YOUR OWN, YOU UNWASHED MONGLOIDS, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!? AND NO, ROLL AROUND IN YOUR OWN FILTH IS NOT AN ANSWER.

Homedogs, this is t to the urtle of the _07 variety signing out.


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.

 
*turtle_07 is going to be receiving a lesson in split infintives as it seems he needs my behind-the-scenes help with such things - Odovaucer


- posted by Andrew @ 7:33 PM