Once more for the record
In my short time here at Lemon Party I have learned quite a few things about ye ol' internet. You may however ask how in a little over 6 months I have come to understand so much about Internet the answer is actually quite simple: specialty. Yes, in case it wasn't obvious our blog is a blog about blogs for blogs by people who read blogs, and as such I have learned a great deal about blogs. One of those is a cosmic truth, a truth so cosmic that all other truths are dwarfed by its veritable cosmicity. I have discovered (brace yourselves) that as 80% of all blogs are run by high school kids you will find yourself facing at around this time in the year droves upon droves of school is over harooh haray posts.

Of course as we might expect from bloggers, each post, while highly individualistic, still follows a very basic pattern that even the youngest of children and follow. Yes friends, it's not only that simple; it’s cheap too! Once again there are a range of emotions about school being over, and somehow all of them fit into one update. Don't ask me how it happens, but somehow it does and you're left sitting there wondering just what the helling fuck is going on. Not to say of course that conflicting emotions can't all fit into one update, but let’s be honest people; you're not that deep. I really doubt that the majority of bloggers can feel more than one emotion at once, regret and happiness to them mix like oil and water. That is to say not at all.

Sure some bloggers can and do feel more than one emotion at once, but those bloggers are by far the minority (report). So how can this be? How can people who probably have a hard enough time feeling other emotions... at the same time! I did a lot of research and ran some computer programs that may or may not have been Unreal Tournament 2004 and I came to one simple conclusion: Aliens.

That's right, Aliens are to blame. But how? By using the power of google I began searching for a series of words so intricate that even the aliens themselves couldn't trace it. Through all of my close failures I began learning tidbits, basically from what I pieced together aliens had put tiny chips into all of our computers... well it's actually more complicated than that. For each piece of hardware in your computer there is a smaller piece of hardware inside that hardware. Basically there is a very tiny computer inside of your computer. Through that computer the aliens monitor what you're doing and send tiny electrical shocks through your keyboard, those shocks are then sent to your brain and since brains rely on electrical impulses they control us. Of course at this point I had yet to uncover the shocking secret.

After typing in the last word of the series of intricate words of the intricate series I was zapped into cyberspace (think Freakazoid). Once there I began looking through the online dictionary for the phrases "Aliens" and "Tiny Computers". You cannot search for these things unless you are in the internet yourself, believe me I tried. I also looked up a few other super secret things like the secret to everlasting life (in your pants) and as I don't trust humanity with all of the knowledge of cyberville yet I will not be revealing the series of words that you use to get into cyberville. But I digress; the reason why aliens can put hardware IN our hardware is because... we are the aliens.

We landed on the earth a little over 200 years ago, unfortunately because of our nature we soon forgot who we were. The last remaining aliens came up with all religions and a fake history that would eventually lead us to the truth if we looked in all the right places. Soon we all succumbed to madness, but as time went on more and more broke out. All great technological achievements have just been our old technology as the enlightened ones introduced it slowly. They control the hardware... and they control us. They are hoping that by putting impulses in our brains we will eventually break free of the madness.

I don't know about you but I don't want to be an alien, I am very happy with my life right now and I sure as hell don't want to fly back to 'our' home planet. With this knowledge you should be able to notice when aliens are trying to break the mind blocks on us (we are also all the same intelligence, once the mind blocks are removed we are all equal), don't let them! Maybe you'd like to be smarter, but at what price? Your individuality is what price! Just... just... please... resist.


More on this story as it develops from INSIDE YOUR COMPUTER AND THE INTERNET! I'M GOING IN!


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 3:01 PM