Let me tell you a story...
I'm not exactly sure where to begin, so I suppose that the beginning would be a safe enough bet. Today was the worst day of my life, not literally of course because the worst day of my life was actually last week when I told you all that, that day was the worst day of my life, but today was pretty damn bad. I mean the day started out pretty well, I had my favorite class first period and after that I asked this really dreamy person to prom, which of course she rejected because all girls are totally evil bitches. I don't even know why I keep asking people, I mean they only say no and then take half of my money and move to north da-fucking-kota. Before I continue I would like to say that I will continue making as many shameless quotes about my play because I'm an egotistical asshole like that, although I won't ever say that I'm an egotistical asshole, nor will I quote that for the reason why girls don't like me; it's all their fault.

So I was in a pretty bad mood, and my asshole friends didn't make me feel any better by acting all happy even though they should have totally known that I was totally sad because I just got rejected, but noooo they were just assholes and didn't stop laughing at shit, probably because they hate me. I bet all of my friends hate me, they never invite me over their houses or anything. Nevermind the fact that I don't invite them over my house, they're just assholes. All this goes back to an irrational fear that I have, that I can't tell you about but it's pretty bad why does no one pity me?

Anyways, after my asshole friends decided to be assholes and laugh about shit, I went off to the cafeteria to cry for a while. At this point I got really angry at the world, cause you know, why me? I mean what did I do to deserve everyone hating me and stuff? You know? I'm a great person and it just seems like everyone hates me, which is just really really unfair and mean and I don't get why they do it.

But where is this going? Why am I writing some horrible story about... about I don't actually have the slightest idea, see it started off as sort of a generic "I'm so angsty" post but with the twist of having something of a alternate voice that tells everyone the other side of the story. Don't get me wrong, there are actually lots of people who have pretty shitty lives, but the majority of angsty bloggers change the story (or leave stuff out: see selective omission) so that they're the victim. It reminds me of an essay that I read on the SATs. It talked about how memory is corrupted and is always told as if the main person is the hero, a particularly hilarious (and meaningful) quote went something like: You're always the hero of your stories, when driving down the street animals and trees dive into your cars path without a moments notice.

We're all the heros in our own right, but sometimes you're the hero of being a whiny bitch, in which case it's probably a better idea to keep your mouth shut. Being a hero isn't always a good thing, there's a lot of drama involved. Take Peter Parker for instance, now Harry had/has (I haven't read the comic in a while) no idea that he's spider man, at least not at the outset and so he devoted his life to killing Spiderman. That just sucks a lot, I mean to have your best friend hate you for killing his father (who was really evil I might add) is just something that I wouldn't wish even on my worst enemy. All the sneaking and "Oh no Harry, I'M not Spiderman."

If Spiderman ever had a blog, it would totally be ok if he were to complain. I mean he can't tell the love of his life about his powers, his best friend wants to kill him, and he gets beat up by super villains on a daily basis. Spiderman is one of the last real American heros. And not one of those hero's who just complains all the time, Spiderman is the real deal. If I were Spiderman I totally would have snapped, but Spiderman is totally too cool for that, think about next time some girl rejects you; Spiderman can't even tell MJ that he loves her.

Although, truth be told you can't look at Spiderman for all the facets of your life. Say for instance that you wanted to look for a real model for the geeky does genetic research side? That's still Spiderman, and a bad example. I can do better. Let's say that you wanted a role model for when you go out sailing, right? I'm not really sure how many super heros sail, but you can always extrapolate. I mean Batman is pretty damn rich, so he probably takes a vacation now and again, and what better place to take a vacation than near the ocean or a lake; I bet that when he's not kicking the Joker's ass he's out in the middle of some lake sharing a bud with Robin.

Although for the sake of argument let's say that a super hero with no special powers really isn't your weapon of choice, but you still do like sailing. Now that's cool, as usual in my infinite wisdom I procured a back up plan; I'd like to introduce you to our very good friend "Aquaman." Aquaman spends a shitload of time in the ocean, so he's gotta like it. Not only that but he can talk with fish, which is pretty cool. I bet when he's off duty that he still likes being near the water, he's probably out there every Sunday sailing and talking to dolphins and shit. Now there's a super hero that we can all look up to.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that everyone needs a role model, everyone needs their own super hero if you will. I'm just trying to let everyone know that it's perfectly normal and fine to look up to people and strive to be like them. We only have a problem when the person you look up to is your whiny as hell emo friend who always complains about girls not understanding his pain or whatever the hell they complain about. Get yourself a role model who isn't quite so much of a pussy. Now I understand that finding a good role model can be hard, so I have made a list of all the superheros/villains that I can remember. There aren't many and it's easy enough to google up more heros and information about them. Don't be a tool, stay in school:

Spiderman
Superman
Any of the X-men
Any of the other mutants in the X-men series
Wonder Woman
Aquaman
Batman
Robin
The Joker
The Riddler
Lex Luthor
The Green Goblin
The Green Lantern
Venom
Carnage
The Hulk
Daredevil (he's blind, don't choose him)
The Punisher
Supergirl
Batgirl


That's not very many of the superheros that exist, but it's a start. Choosing a superhero is no easy task, take your time and choose one that fits you best. Good luck and have fun!


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 9:58 PM