This update not about badgers (badger)
There are a great many things that make a blog not just a good blog, but a great blog. There are also a great many things that make a decent blog into a cesspool of shit, but we won't go into those as we already assume that by reading us you've learned SOMETHING about blogging. Now let's be honest for a moment folks, there are only two reasons to have a blog (well three). The first is that you want people to know about your life, as you're sick and tired of people asking you what's up every single fucking day and one day you're just going to get a kitchen knife and SWISH there goes his head. The other of course is a bit more selfish, you want everyone to post comments pitying you and agreeing with you.

This update will be about that style of blogging. To pull it off correctly you need to do (or be) one of these two things. The first is just to have a life so terribly pathetic that no one could find wrong in you and you truly deserve that praise and pity. The second is more of an easy way out of you don't feel like waiting to alienate all of your friends and get everyone to hate you so that you can then start a blog after everyone seemed to just hate you for "no real reason." To pull this off you need a little help from your friend selective omission.

"But Andrew", you might be saying "I'm really stupid so I like don't really know what selective omission is, what's selective omission?" I'm glad that you asked my finely feathered friend, I am in fact so glad that you asked that I will answer your question (which is really my question) without insulting you. Selective omission is when you ask a question or you state something without really telling the whole story. It would be like if your mother asked you if you broke the lamp. To which of course you'd say no, the dog ran into the lamp because something spooked him. You would of course fail to mention that it was your bullhorn that spooked the dog. Understand? Excellent! Let's begin.

Let's imagine for a moment that you're at a party where that really hot girl in your math class is. This is your moment of glory, your moment to shine... and of course you completely blow it. So what to tell your adoring fans? What do you tell people so that they will not only comfort you, but also beat up that bitchy girl who totally ruined your life? You tell everyone that while you were at the party you asked the girl to dance, and not only did she not even talk to you, she danced with the next available guy. THAT BITCH. You of course fail to mention that she was already having a conversation with another person... oh and she was 5 feet away at the time. Kind of hard to hear with the music blasting, good thing that your adoring fans don't know that.

Selective omission pays off again! But what do you do when they find out the truth and try and call you on it. We've simulated two situations: One, someone who you don't like who was also at the party finds your blog and decides to reveal your lies. And the other is when one of your friends talks to one of their friends. Both should work, assuming that you're not some sort of retarded badger.

Posted by: Naomi
Yea, so I was totally near Stephanie the entire night and I never ever saw you get like within 5 feet of her. You're just making stuff up so that Stephanie will pity you and like you and so that your friends won't realize what s loser you are you loser. You should shut up and leave Stephanie alone!

To which you reply

Posted by: lonely bitter SOUL REAVER Q
Go suck a dick you slut, you were probably so high on other people's semen that you couldn't see straight. I was there and I talked to Stephanie and she ignored me completely. I hope that you and your lies die.

Perfect! You sure told her. Be careful what you say though, if one of your friends is also friends with the offending person try stating in the most friendly of manners that their love of drugs might have made a negative impact on their ability to see and perceive distance, because you were totally like right next to her. Now lets say that one of your friends decides to speak up

posted by: Your friend
I talked to Rich and he said that he was at the party and didn't really see you get anywhere near Stephanie. I dunno dude, you sure that it was actually Stephanie and not a look alike?

To which you reply

posted by: OMG SO BITTER
Yea, I saw rich at the party but he seemed pretty busy partying, I don't think that he saw me that often. I mean unless rich was following me around, right? Anyways so he probably just missed it, it all happened pretty quickly

Good! You've stopped that bastard from doubting you. Be sure to make a mental note to rag on your friend in the next updates for not believing you, pretty soon they'll be submissive and believe every word that you say. Once that's happened you're only one step away from world domination. Tell those friends to tell their friends to read your blog for no apparent reason. Soon you'll have a whole slew of converts ready to follow your every command. Use this power to take over the government and earn yourself an Emmy. Good luck!



And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 6:49 PM