Welcome to th
Let's face it, I enjoy writing updates and you all enjoying jacking off. While I'll be the first to admit that it might not be the most perfect union, it's still damn good. Now I realize that while we might not offer as much porn as some sort of porn distributing site, we still offer daily (not always daily) doses of hilarity... and a jackhammer. Ok, well that's a lie. The jackhammer is actually used in serving out the daily doses of hilarity, I'm not really sure about the mechanics of it so please STOP FUCKING ASKING ME! OK?!

Good, now that we've gotten that out of the way I can begin the pre update show countdown entertainment by MCM. I'm just kidding, we're not sponsored... yet. I mean if we were we'd actually be making money for doing this and not just writing for a bunch of readers who never comment anyway. Well except for Lorenzo, but we don't really care about him, because he's Italian and we're racist mongoose haters. I'm just kidding, we love mongooses... unlike those dirty lazy badgers. I hate badgers. If my daughter (Right, your daughter, sure :rollseyes: - Odovaucer) ever wanted to marry a badger I'd be like: "NO! GET AWAY YOU GOD DAMNED BADGER! YOU'RE NOT STEALING MY DAUGHTER AWAY FROM ME AND MOVING TO YOUR INFERIOR STINK TOWN OF STINKY BADGERS!"

Yea, I would be that angry. I mean just look at badgers, they move into our town, stealing our jobs, stealing our watches and TVs, causing crime, and just about being inferior. Now I know for a fact that I am a purebread (White or whole wheat? - Odovaucer) human 100%, none of that animal bullshit. And before you call me a racist badger hater, I got like all of the human race agreeing with me. How would you feel if some badgers moved into your town, started attacking your dogs, knocking over your garbage cans, and taking your jobs! I mean and they have brains the size of peas, what's up with that?

Just the thought of badgers makes me so angry that I die. I mean think about all of the bad racial stereotypes that you can think of for blacks, Asians, terrorists, and all the other races, ok? They're all true when you're talking about badgers. God damn do I hate those badgers. (I think he may be a homosexual - Odovaucer) Now some petty shallow minded people may take this to mean that I hate black people or those sand people... but the truth is that I don't. I even asked a black person who also happens to be my friend if he liked badgers, and this was the following conversation:

Andrew: Do you not like badgers?
*** [E-mail removed to protect the innocent] (YMA) has joined the conversation.
YMA: No
Andrew: you like badgers?
YMA: no
YMA: wait
YMA: i mean....
YMA: no
Andrew: Do you do you not like badgers?
Andrew: or do you not*
YMA: goredffd
Andrew: IT'S A SIMPLE QUESTION! I NEED TO KNOW
YMA: yes
Andrew: so you do like badgers?
YMA: no
YMA: i hate them with a passion
Andrew: ok, good
Andrew: excellent
Andrew: thanks for your input

As you can see, in the beginning the badgers clouded his judgment with their mind clouding judgment reducing rays. I hate those badgers. I should really stop talking about badgers because every time I talk about them I'm thrown into a pit of rage so horrible... so vile... that the badgers themselves must have created it. It's a disease, a horrible, horrible disease. Luckily for you, I have the cure, and I will be selling it for the low low price of $50. If you want the cure feel free to post your credit card information in the comments, and I'll probably use your card to buy lots of things that I like, which more or may not include a knife set from the fine people at Henckel knives, they may not be number one on the football field, but they're number one in our hearts.

Or as the pig people say: Oink oink oink oi'nk. I realize that what I just wrote isn't very good, but I've only been taking pig for about a year so I'm not really fluent... that and all of those online dictionaries don't offer translation into pig, what fucking bullshit.

You know, they say that you shouldn't write on an empty stomach, which is why I just consumed two pieces of toast for my humble breakfast. Toast with butter, yes, toast with rich artery clogging butterer.... and I have no clue what the hell I'm doing anymore. I just sort of write, and my updates come up without rhyme or reason, just a lot of sperm. However, this is where you all come in. It's been proven time and time again that our readers have absolutely no imagination whatsoever so every time that I ask for an opinion I tend to get no responses what so ever, but since I'm the optimistic type I'm going to believe that this time will be different.

Ok? Here's the game, I'll give you a list so that you can vote on what my next update is going to be, that or you can suggest one yourself, I really don't care I just want to see that we have readers who at least have enough intelligence to write down "Do the dog one" or "I don't like any of those choices, do an update on suburban sprawl."

So, the list:

1. Suburban Sprawl
   
2. The dog one
   
3. Do more updates on what's wrong with blogs
   
4. Why windows are good
   
5. No, seriously, I want more blog updates
   
6. Lemon Party sucks major ass
   
7. How to protect yourself from harmful radiation
   
8. How to not protect yourself from harmful radiation
   
9. Why you'll die cold and alone
   
10. What is Odovaucer's deal with pants (Pants! - Odovaucer)?
    

My my my, we have quite a list there don't we? In case you're not sure what the answer is, it's yes. So vote... or don't vote... I'd just like to have feedback on what I'm doing right and what sends you into a rage so horrible that it could only have been caused by my writing and badgers.


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 3:00 AM