Pain is pleasure
Why do I do it? Day after day I always seem to update for our loyal readers here at The Party. Some of you might say that we have no loyal readers, but we check the referrer logs, and we see that you're there. You can't hide from us.

So why do I do it? Why do I update every day or every other day or at least four times a week depending on my mood. Why spend all that time on something so horrible? Not to say that our writing is horrible, because I hope it's not. But come on, making fun of people and talking about how much better we are than them every day can seem like a pretty horrible thing to do. So what have I covered so far? Basically we're horrible people who appear to take pleasure in your pain (why else would we do it?)

To be totally honest, I don't know why we do it. Perhaps it's the fact that we're mean, bitter people who can only go on living knowing that we're better than others. Since we aren't we have to make fun of other people's faults and then imagine that we are. Perhaps it's that we're controlled by aliens, or perhaps it's that we can't get enough of that sweet chocolate taste. Whatever the reason, we're just mean people full of mean thoughts; mean people who do mean things.

But before you judge us, please look at our side of the story. While yes, we are mean, we're also broken and hurt individuals who are forced to go through life cursed (Speak for yourself - Odovaucer). When you read you friend's (or anyone's) blog you more than likely feel pity because of all sorts of horrible things happening in their life (more than likely involving the opposite sex). (For whatever the reason we've reviled far fewer homosexuals - Odovaucer) When we read blogs, we're thrown into a rage so intense that we lose the ability to see the world as anything other than an abstract maze of colors, thoughts, and European capitals. Believe me, it's not a pretty sight.

We can't just read a blog; we can't see past those annoying as hell mannerisms and all those horrible misspellings. We're eternally cursed. Pity us friends and foes; pity us, for we are you!

Not really you so much as us, but you understand where we're coming from here, right? Riiiiight?

Fuck it, I hate you and you hate me. Nothing else besides that (well... and pants (Word - Odovaucer)). But what if there was something besides that? Some spark, some hidden hope, some forbidden love. Yes, that's right, I love a commoner! But it is against my tribe's law to marry her, or else both she and I will be exiled to the land of eternal despair. It's a horrible tragedy, oh whatever will I do?

Sigh, sometimes I think that the whole world is against me. HAVEN'T I GONE THROUGH ENOUGH!? That's what everyone is always spewing, always talking about how much pain they've gone through and why they keep getting dealt more. Whether or not you've gone through as much pain (or as horrible pain) as you claim, the fact that everyone does it makes me think that you're just some sort of pussy whiner. You're probably 15 and you've been rejected by three girls (all of whom think you're a creepy stalker) and now your life is over and you've gone through enough pain to last you two and a half lifetimes.

To keep you on your toes though, this update isn't about that at all. In fact, it's actually about grammar and punctuation. As silly and as hypocritical as it seems, I still have to talk about it. I realize that my grammar and punctuation aren't quite perfect (That's what I'm here for - Odovaucer), but at least I'm not like some people. Jesus Christ people, an exclamation point is not the same as a period. Before you hit the publish button, if your update would reduce a remedial English teacher to tears, maybe you should go back and try again. All those typos and misused punctuation points are apt make you look even stupider than your thoughts make you look.

Like I've said before, we don't ask for much and some commandments are more mandatory than others. Some are simply there for you to gain a higher understanding of blogging, others are there so that you don't make a complete ass of yourself and make me to kill a 12 year old hooker. This is one of those mandatory ones, and just in case you don't understand what I'm getting at I'll give you a little crash course in the punctuation that goes at the end of sentences.

So, here's a puppet show of sorts for you, entitled: Dr. Strangelove or how I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb (name pending lawsuit, may change later)

.: Hello, I'm a period. I go at the end of sentences to show that the sentences are over.
!: I'm an exclamation point! I show that sentences should be delivered with some force or emotion.
?: I'm a question mark. Can you guess what I do? That's right! I show that a sentence is also a question.
!: Say period, do you think that I should be used in place of you?
?: You just used a question mark! There's me.
.: Tru dat question mark, and no exclamation point. I don't think that you should be used in place of me, otherwise the writing would be stupid and illogical. Plus if everyone used you instead of me I would become useless. That makes me sad.
!: I'm sorry period, please don't cry!
.: It's not your fault... it's just that sometimes I feel so left out. No one ever wants to use me.
?: Don't say that period, you're a wonderful and unique person. Some people just don't understand your finer qualities.
.: You think so?
?: I know so.
!: Yea!
.: Thanks guys, that makes me feel better; I'm going to go home and get some rest.
! and ?: See ya period.

Cut to .'s bathroom, ? enters

?: Period, I knew that you were still feeling bad so I brought you some... (notices . face down in his bathtub) OH GOD NO!! WHY GOD?! WHY!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!? Curse you people! You did this! You killed... you... you... MONSTERS! If it takes me a thousand years I will bring you all to justice!

Moral of the story, use the fucking period or he might kill himself, and do you really want that on your chest? (Plus I'll unzip my pants, and do you really want my nuts on your chest? - Odovaucer)

Thou Shalt Use Proper Punctuation



And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 9:46 PM