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I stand before you readers, a bitter and broken man. As of about 4 minutes ago my MSN instant messenger started going on the fritz, it's been logging on and off for those past 4 minutes. I don't use it for much chatting as I don't have many friends on MSN, instead I make use of the feature where you can just click a button and check your email, no password required. Ahh, a life of luxury.

Unfortunately, Trillian, a useful multiple client program which should look like this:



Instead looks like this:



As the Spanish would say: Que Shockando (that's Spanish for what shock)

Now if you were Spanish, which I am not. You would know that I'm lying about shock being shockando, in a perfect world shock would be shockando, but in this inferior world, we'll just have to deal with whatever dumb word the Mexicans have come up with it. Probably Shockolokodoo or Shakando, god, what fuckheads.

So I lied, whatever, that's not the problem. The problem is that Trillian is showing only that one globe. Oh the insanity. I fear for my life friends, as I am at my witz end (you can tell that I'm serious because I used a Z instead of an S, that's a tip, kidz, write it down). Now as I see it, I have only two options.

1. Kill Myself
   
2. Not Kill Myself
   

I have of course, chosen the latter, for those of you who can't read and so wouldn't be reading this sentence anyway but I'm going to point it out all the same because I'm on a power trip, that means that I'm not going to kill myself. However, that still does not solve the problem of my fritzy MSN logging on and off.

Anyway... I'm not sure where I'm going with this (I say that a lot don't I?), but it certainly wasn't to the store... which is now closed, because as you can see in those pictures, it's late.

But fear not loyal readers, it is not late enough for me to make a commandment and a few harsh words. My previous update, which I'm sure all of you read was that you shouldn't add stupid and useless JavaScript frills, like the text next to the mouse, changing the mouse, disabling right clicking... the like. Anyway, I hate you.

Ask yourselves though, what happens when someone doesn't listen to that commandment and loads their page full of JavaScript frills? Well, you'd probably have a rather ugly page that took a while to load if you were on 56k (loser). Eventually of course, the JavaScript coding would grow sentient and begin to mate. And when that happens, you are left with this.

Now I don't mean to be rude, but I can't read your shitty site, text seems to randomly scroll around the page (abusing the marquee tag = you're a horrible person who should die), the entries move around the page randomly, and there's a god damned clock hovering around the cursor. Thanks a lot! Who the fuck needs a watch when you have that site? Lord knows that I don't have a watch on my wrist, a clock in my room and a clock on my computer. But what if you don't own a watch, or a clock, or even a god damned pair of pants? Well you're still using a computer, and most OS happen to have a clock somewhere on screen, so I'm sure you'll survive. Plus without pants woman will see your massive penis and perform sexual favors on you for free.

Ok, look the point that I'm trying to make is this:

One JavaScript frill is fine and happy and dandy and if done well can make your site happier

Two JavaScript frills is still happy, but not quite so dandy. However, like 1, if done well it can make your site like sex

Three JavaScript frills is a lot, and knowing you they're probably going to be shitty ones, still, if done well it can make your site awesome

Four+ JavaScript frills is probably more than you need, and more than likely you're abusing them like fuck. Now, like the previous ones I'm not trying to say that JavaScript frills are Sucky McSuckster, but if they aren't done well (after looking over God knows how many Xangas it appears that people are incapable of not destroying their sites), then it sucks more than a toothless chinese hooker.

Shitheads:
Thou Shalt Not Stuff Thy Pasty Face Full Of Useless JavaScript Code Because It Looks 'Kewl'



Authors Note: This update is disjointed, but that's only because i'm lazy and I feel the need to (hopefully) start pumping one of these out each day(the end of that portion of the sentence didn't make any sense to the start of it, as those items are not related... at least not in this case), that is of course assuming that other people don't post. The real reason for it's disjointedness is that I'm tired, and it's late, and I hate you all so very very much.





And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 10:26 PM