Once I built a railroad
Ok people, here's the deal. Now I KNOW that the last update wasn't up to par with my usual updates. I mean I try, and I try, and I realize that I can't be funny all the time. But I try, and I certainly don't appreciate it when people come up to me on the street and randomly and start screaming things like: "HEY TURTLE_07 YOUR BLOG SUCKS MAD BALLS!!" or "turtle_07 you couldn't find funny with a funny finding device attached to your brain!" I mean I fucking try people, and I don't really like it when people come up to me on the street complaining. I'd like to see you be as funny as me, or as often.

Now I realize that some people might question if we even HAVE enough readers to warrant that happening, some of you might point out that if we have so many readers (which of course you'll say we don't) then why do we have so few comments? Well, to be honest, you're stupid. Very stupid. So stupid in fact that you thought to question my previous statement, as you can see my clever retort has left you without backing and with mental cane marks on your backside. Run home little boy, or I may be forced to insult your mother!

Anyway, as I was going to say before I called you a retard, you're very stupid. That's right, you, the viewers, are stupid. If you weren't stupid you wouldn't be reading this because you would already know how to write a successful blog. Full of success and not retarded angst with some linkin park lyrics. "So today my girlfriend left me to go out with Jimmy :((( I SURE AM SAD!! SAD SAD SAD!! Now I'll never find love ever again. It reminds me of my favorite linkin park song..." Anyway you get the point. The point being that I hate you, a lot.

I hate the fact that you make blatant misspellings
I hate the fact that you can't seem to write one god damned entry without the little "sad" emoticon at the top
I hate the fact that you also can't write a coherent sentence to save your life
I hate the fact that you use ASCII emoticons
I hate the fact that you use those god awful emotion sentences
I hate the fact that you use god damned words like "mah", "moi", "pwease", and random words from foreign languages (normally Japanese, as anime is popular these days)
And I hate the fact that you think that it's fucking cute.

In conclusion: I hate you.

But before I end the entry on a horribly unpositive note full of hate and... well just hate. Just try for a moment to look at this from my point of view. I live a life cursed to see these things and to have them send me into fits of rage. When I read my friends livejournals the bile in my throat rises and I am often reduced to a quivering broken man as I clutch my sides in pain.

Ok so I don't clutch my stomach in pain as I read blogs... but you get the point. It's annoying, it's infuriating, don't fucking do it! But what is this 'it' I speak of? What is this elusive idea that this metaphorical sentence speaks of. What is it? How does one acquire it? And most importantly, how does one lose it? It my friends, is nonexistent. It's everything about blogs and journals that I hate. One cannot actually lose it, as it is not there to lose. It is just something... well many things that drive me into a blind rage. My opinion, no one else's. If your friends can stomach your stupidity... then perhaps I can too. However for the sake of the update let's just pretend that this paragraph never happened.

Anyway, before the bile began rising and I clutched my stomach in pain I had a point. As I was saying in my Unholy List Of Hate (TM), I hate those god damned made up words that you think make you look cute. The moi (when you're not french), the mah, the pwease, the da, and the god damned anime quotes with victory eyes or whatever the fuck it is that they call it these days. You're not Japanese and saying phrases in Japanese that mean things like "peace out" is not amusing or cute. I don't fucking know Japanese and I don't want to know Japanese. I'm very happy being an uncultured American slob and I don't need some para-human bastardizing the English language with phrases like "So I went out wit mah peepz to the mall and I bought a pretty dress ^_^ KAWAII!!!" Did you fail every single English course that you were in you god damned reject. If I ever want to read your blog I'm not going to start looking up Japanese words because you saw some giant breasted thirteen year old in an anime say that about a necklace that let her turn into a magical girl. God damnit you people need to be smacked.

I was going to say here but I forgot what... oh yea!

Moi is a super happy kawaii nekochan!!*


*For those of you that don't hang out with me often and so you don't get my quirks (Yea, quirks... sure... or maybe you're just really really stupid) that means: Thou Shalt Not Bastardize The English Langauge.


And on a final note: I guess that I've still got a few good commandments left in me before I find something new to move onto.



And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 1:16 AM