It's late and I should really go to sleep
Recently I have received quite a few complaints that Lemon Party is not a family site. And because of this I have decided to start a new and exciting 'game time' portion of the update. Now is that time.

Ok kids, here's the game: You find the nearest phone and count the numbers of buttons on it, then come running back here and tell me. Ready? Set? Go!!!!


While we wait for them let's go over the actual update, please make sure that they don't come into the room for[.] several minutes as there will be cursing. Just between us how many buttons do you think the average phone will have? I mean I have one of those nifty wireless phones and it has 22 buttons, man that's a lot. In case your wondering how many words that would be, just look at the bracketed period. The sentence would have ended right there, doesn't seem like very much now, does it?

For all its faults though, a twenty two word sentence is not a bad thing, I mean it has its place in blogs. Like that sentence for instance. Although imagine loading up Lemon Party and discovering that instead of a long and hilarious update full of kittens and possible drama, you instead find that sentence waiting for you. "Bullshit!" You'd scream, "What kind of mongrel cretin would only update a sentence in his blog! Give me his head!" And rightly so would you scream that, as I said in a previous update: You have all the time in the world.

Now just what does all the time in the world mean? Well for one it means that I can just start telling a story, right here, right now. You ready? I mean like totally ready? Because you know as soon as I start this story there is NO stopping me and there will NOT be breaks. If you don't like this you can just leave the room and go get a drink or something because you're probably ugly anyway. Yea, that's right, ugly. And I bet so is your mother, wanna fight bitch? Cause I will bring it till you don't know what's being brought any more. Yea, you better run.

Now that he's gone we can continue the story, this story involves a little girl name Annabelle and a large Rhino named McRhinosus.

Little Annabelle was once a little girl, but now she was a little woman, with little feet, little hands, and most importantly, a little bra. "Oh woe is me!" cried poor Annabelle "with my A cups I shall never find a decent man who will provide for me and hold me when I am scared" (It was before the women’s movement). Her woeing and screaming attracted a rhino by the name of McRhinosus who hated the sounds of woes. In fact he hated them so much that he once killed a man with only his tongue for even so much as uttering the word woe. Yea, he was one fucked up rhino. So anyways, this rhino was walking by little Annabelles house when he heard her tales of woe. Of course the only logical answer (rhinos aren’t very logical) that he could think of was to kill her. Little did he know that Annabelle was actually a tiny man named Arnaldobelle who had been tracking McRhinosus since he was a five years old because McRhinosus killed his father with his tongue. So when McRhinosus went to charge the house and kill Annabelle, he actually charged into a spear and died. Later Arnaldobelle made rhino patties from his tender rhino meat. This of course attracted the REAL Annabelle who of course had D cups. Arnaldobelle immediately fell in love with her. But after being rebuked by both her and her 8 foot tall Latin boyfriend he was sent to the hospital. Where he then met ANOTHER Annabelle with A cups, and fell in love again, and Annabelle (A cup) immediately fell in love with him, and then broke up with him later. Then the two Annabelles met up somewhere and had hot lesbian sex, the likes of which I cannot describe on this blog.

Moral of the story: don't be so judgmental about breast size... oh and Lesbian sex is hot.


See, I had enough time to write that entry, there is absolutely no reason why your entry should be shorter than at least a paragraph. I mean if you're going to tell us what's going on in your pathetic shitty life, then at least give us some details. What I don't want to see is something like this:

::sigh:: moonlight always is brightest in your darkest hour

No, you're not deep, and if you just broke up with your girlfriend or whatever the hell it is you miserable sacks of human flesh do nowadays then I want to fucking know it. You have an online journal to tell us things about yourself, but posting bullshit like that is telling the viewers that while you may have an online journal to tell them about your life, the only time that it's ever going to update is with inane boring shit like that time that you went to the doctors office and that one woman’s two year old just WOULDN'T stop crying, Jesus Christ bitch, put a goddamn sock in your child.

Let's reiterate:

what do you do when you look forward to something...and then when that time comes..it kills your heart... = BAD


I was really looking forward to the party that Josh was hosting and I was going to take my friend Marla, but at the last minute Marla called me and said that she couldn't come. It was cool I thought, I mean she had never lied to me before, so I just figured that me and her would hang out on the weekend and go on our first REAL date Sunday. When I got to the party though Marla was there WITH Josh! I just started crying and ran to the bathroom. She had promised me... HE HAD PROMISED. THEY HAD PROMISED ME!! This wasn't supposed to happen they said that they were over each other! Oh god I loved her so much... oh god

what do you do when you look forward to something...and then when that time comes..it kills your heart... = GOOD


McRhinoSus Says!:

Thou shalt post entries of reasonable length


And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
Because your blog sucks.
- posted by Andrew @ 11:12 PM