Guiding Forces
I have come to a realization, and it is unfortunately a sad one. Not it isn't that no one will ever love me, or that my girlfriend broke up with me and my best friend is trying to kill me for raping his mother. It's something that deals with this blog, hence why it is being posted here.

In all our righteous glory my associate and I have forgotten something very important. We've told you what not to do, but we've never told you how to do it.

Put those razor blades away! It's not your fault that your blog is shitty, you're just an idiot and we never took the time to show you how.

Today's blog writing class will be about writing a depressing entry, come again next week when we will be doing a happy entry.

Now I know what you're saying, turtle_07 (or as people in real life like to call him: HornyDrew - Odovaucer) you're saying, I already know how to write depressing entries, after all I wrote one last week about how no one loves me and I think i'm going to end it all.

I probably read that entry, and it probably looked something like this:

SO I waz at clazes twoday nda sum peepz tuld me dat i wuz stup1d. I wuz like wtff doodz! ThEn I cride at home cuz they where my frinds. WTF y did tey do that?

Bravo, you've mastered the first and most important rule of a depressed entry, you have to be depressed. But just for fun, let's delve deeper. What if you were not only depressed, you were also coherent and wrote something longer than 2 sentences. Why I believe that it might go something like this:


Today was a really bad day. To start it off I never got a call back from Helen, which pissed me off because I thought that she liked me, but also some kids at school were mean to me. It's really starting to depress me. I mean if they didn't like my shoes they could have told me instead of stealing them and then burning them. And to top it all off I got an F on my english paper! I can't believe that Mr. Strolken would do that to me! Man and I thought I was doing better in his class.

Man today sucked... but I hope that tomarow (sic) will be better.



Man! That was semicoherent and told people why you were depressed; now also follow the sixth commandment and not only will people read your blog, you may even get a few comments complimenting you on your pr0n or telling you to keep your chin up. (Keep your chin up, are you kidding? If your readership is normal they'll such easy patsies you'll get little poems and reverent notes about how altogether wonderful you are regardless of the realism, grammar, or spelling of your whine - Odovaucer)Now you're not nearly as bad a failure! Good work.

Stay tuned next week for Anger or possibly Happiness.

And remember the guiding light, lest we forget the glory that be Lemon Party.
- posted by Andrew @ 10:03 PM